I’m a Dad and Here’s Why I Don’t Post About My Child Online

My social media feeds are filled with photos and videos from friends and strangers of their children. I see proud parents posting their child’s milestones as they grow month by month. I see pictures of fun outfits for toddlers that make them look like the cool kid at school. And I see countless videos of kids talking gibberish, hugging dogs, and napping in adorable positions. You know, kid stuff.

There’s a part of me that wants to participate, to show the world the cute things my child does or says. However, a photo, video, or any other type of status update posted publicly online is no longer under my control. Nearly all U.S. citizens use the Internet, according to the Pew Research Center, so if I post this material publicly, I might as well mail it to everyone in the United States. I don’t know these people, so there’s no way I can trust the millions of people in the United States, let alone the billions of people around the world, with images and information about my child.

So my wife and I have decided not to talk publicly about our child online until he is old enough to understand and consent to what is being posted. And if we post about them, the post will not include their face and will contain as little personal information as possible.

I spoke to a handful of experts to better understand the phenomenon of parents posting photos and videos of their children online, the dangers that can arise from this practice, and what you can do instead.

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What is sharing?

Parents who post information about their children online are called “sharers,” a portmanteau of the words “sharing” and “parenting.” According to a 2024 study published in the Italian Journal of Pediatrics, approximately 75% of parents have posted content online related to their child(ren).

Examples of sharing include sharing a birth announcement, posting your child’s report card, or posting a photo of your child on the first day of school.

Although sharing can come from a place of joy and love, it can have negative consequences for children and parents.

Good intentions are not enough

Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, told me that it’s common for parents to want to post information about their children online in a well-intentioned way.

“They’re very proud of their children. They want to connect with other parents. They want help or information,” Albers said.

I understand. My parents have many photos of my sister and I hanging on the walls of their house throughout our lives. From graduations to weddings and everything in between. Publishing online can feel like an extension of hanging pictures on your walls, or even a more economical alternative if you don’t own your home.

According to a 2018 report from the UK Children’s Commissioner, parents post an average of around 71 photos and 29 videos of their children each year. This means that by the time a child enters high school, their parents may have posted around 1,000 photos, as well as 400 videos of them.

This doesn’t just apply to school-aged children. According to a 2023 European Pediatric Association report, approximately 92% of toddlers living in the United States have an online presence before the age of 2.

These messages cannot be malicious in nature. Parents share them because they’re probably proud of their baby for taking their first steps, or because they want to connect with others. No matter how well-intentioned, some messages can seriously compromise a child’s data.

Publication can harm a child’s life

Leah Plunkett, Meyer Research Lecturer in Law at Harvard Law School, is the author of the book Sharenthood: Why We Should Think Before We Talk about Our Kids Online, which examines how parents, grandparents, and other adults in a child’s life can impact the child’s privacy.

Plunkett said she decided to look into sharing while browsing Facebook after becoming a parent in the early 2010s.

“I just had this moment, it seems a little weird,” she said. What Plunkett discovered while working on the book is that adults can digitally transmit a lot of private information about a child, including their full name, date of birth, geographic location and images.

For example, if you write a newborn’s name and date of birth in a caption, it gives two pieces of information about them. If you add a geotag to a photo, you could give people information about where your child frequently goes, or at the very least what city or town they live in. And posting a video of your child having a snack could let others know what foods your child likes and doesn’t like. While some of this information may not seem dangerous, it all depends on who has the data and how much of it.

“People can start to see very quickly what a child is like, where they live, where they go to school, what they like, what they don’t like, and [people] You can really start to get a sense of the child’s profile,” Plunkett said.

It may feel good as a parent to publicly share family moments or cute interactions online, but these posts can lead to real harm that might not be immediately recognizable.

The potential dangers of sharing

Publicly posting information about your child, no matter their age, always carries risks, just like the dangers you or I face when we post a photo or information about ourselves. Some of the biggest risks lie in AI and altered images, emotional harm, and identity theft.

AI and deepfakes

A relatively new danger children face online is artificial intelligence and deepfakes. Deepfakes are videos, images and audio files created using artificial intelligence to appear real. The more publications and images of a child, especially public ones, there are, the greater the risk.

According to AI detection company Reality Defender, some deepfake tools are user-friendly, fairly accessible, and can create a deepfake in 30 seconds.

Deepfakes pose a great risk to children, who are likely to engage in dangerous practices online such as grooming, cyberbullying and child pornography.

“[Generative AI] “Technology enables the creation of fake images, including synthetic media, digital forgeries, and nude images of children, through tools such as ‘nudify’ apps,” the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children wrote in a blog post. “Offenders have even exploited GAI in cases of sextortion, using explicit AI-generated images to coerce children into providing additional content or money.”

I spoke to Nathalie Maréchal, co-director of the Privacy and Data Project at the Center for Democracy and Technology, about these abusive deepfakes.

“We know that people use videos or images of children that they find on the Internet to create images of child abuse,” Maréchal said. “The idea that there could be these kinds of images with your child’s face is really distressing. It’s something I don’t think any parent would want to risk.”

According to a blog post from the American Academy of Pediatrics, if a child is the victim of AI-generated, image-based sexual abuse, they may feel violated, humiliated and ashamed, and they may blame themselves. If these images are then broadcast to other children, the trauma could be amplified and, in some cases, lead to bullying, self-harm and suicidal ideation. And children may not seek help – or may not be able to – in such situations.

“Being depicted in a deepfake can spark fear of not being believed by others, thereby intensifying barriers to seeking help,” the AAP wrote.

Psychological and emotional damage

Sharing can cause children other forms of emotional and psychological distress.

Albers said she sees teenagers dealing with these negative consequences. Teenagers might be embarrassed by something their parents posted online, which could lead to them being bullied at school, she said.

Albers also said that when parents share these posts about their children, what they may not realize is that they are creating an image or expectation of who their child is.

“Sometimes there’s a lot of pressure on the child to live up to that image,” she said. “It can really hurt a child’s self-esteem.”

Identity theft

Identity theft negatively affects a child’s future financial stability. This typically occurs in two forms, according to PNC Bank.

First, someone could outright steal a child’s identity. Parents can post a child’s full name, date of birth, and even Social Security number online, making it easy for people to assume that identity.

Alternatively, a malicious actor could take pieces of real information about a child and combine it with other information, such as a fake home address. This results in a completely fabricated identity that could also harm your child financially.

“Negative credit information tied to a child’s Social Security number creates credit-related barriers later in life,” Trevor Buxton, PNC’s fraud communications manager, said in a blog post. “Unknown negative credit information can hinder a child’s ability to secure a lease for their first apartment, find a job, or obtain a student loan.”

Although my wife and I do not post our child’s sensitive information – like his SSN – online, all of these possible consequences are enough to dissuade me from posting information about our child on social media until he is old enough to have his own social media account.

Parents, you are always in control of how you post about your child

According to the European Pediatric Association, sharing via social media is relatively low risk if children are not identifiable in these posts. But there are steps you can take to minimize this risk even further.

Not posting is the safest option

Not Posting about your child online might be the easiest way to protect them. This option worked quite well for my CNET colleague, Attila Tomaschek. He said he didn’t want to risk his child’s personal information falling into malicious hands.

“It is my responsibility to establish appropriate safeguards to protect her privacy and safety from harm online,” Tomaschek said. “I’m not taking any chances by letting a photo of my daughter go out into the wild and end up in the wrong hands.”

Tomaschek said he didn’t think his child was old enough to consent to information or photos being posted online about him, and he didn’t want to betray their trust.

“My daughter is the most important person in the world to me. She is not something to share online to get likes or followers,” he said.

Share photos directly

If you choose not to post about your child on social media, that doesn’t mean you can’t share photos of your children with friends and family. Thorin Klosowski, a security and privacy activist at the Electronic Frontier Foundation, said parents or guardians can still send photos through a group chat with family members.

“I’m an uncle, that’s how we share photos with family,” Klosowski said. “It’s awesome. Honestly, it’s a lot easier for people who aren’t interested in technology. They find it a lot easier to share a bunch of pictures in a group chat.”

I imagine there are grandparents who would much rather receive photos of their grandchild via text, email, or even mail.

It’s also important to understand that even sharing photos in a group chat requires trusting the app or service through which those photos are being sent, as well as the recipient. If you use an app like WhatsApp, Signal or Telegram, you need to understand how they deliver messages and the privacy levels each offers.

For my money, I’d use Signal. The only data collected by the app is your phone. phone number, it encrypts all your messages and Signal and other third parties cannot access your messages or calls.

Adjust sharing settings before posting (and consider where you post)

If you still want to post photos of your child online, you should consider changing your posting habits first.

The EFF’s Klosowski said it’s a good idea for parents to check their social media account settings and make sure they know who can and can’t see their posts. Many social media platforms are public by default, so posting a photo of your child would be like trusting each of your followers — whether they’re close friends, a random person, or a robot — with a framed photo of your child. Before posting a photo of your child, ask yourself if you would allow all of your followers and anyone else who might see the photo to save it on their device. If the answer is “no,” don’t post it.

If you’re okay with a few people having this photo but not everyone, many social media platforms allow you to change who can and can’t see your posts. Instagram, for example, lets you make certain people close friends who can then see certain Reels that others can’t see. Some platforms, like Facebook, also allow you to configure your posts to be visible only to you, so you’re essentially turning your account into a digital photo album.

Changing your social media settings can limit who can and can’t see your posts, but just know that if you post a photo on a platform, no matter how restrictive your settings are, the platform itself owns that photo. When you post a photo on a social media platform, you own that photo, but according to the United States Chamber of Commerce, the platform has a license to “commercially use, distribute, copy and display any content shared on its platform; Platforms could therefore potentially use your posted photos in advertisements, but you should read a platform’s privacy policy to see how it treats posts.

And if you share photos of your children online, be sure to use strong passwords to secure your social media accounts and consider using a password manager.

Hide your child’s face and other key details

Another thing to consider if you want to post a photo of your child is putting an emoji – especially smiley faces – on their face to protect their identity.

Joanne Orlando, a digital wellbeing researcher at Western Sydney University, told ABC Australia that hiding a child’s face behind an emoji or blurring their face could prevent the child’s face from being used in deepfakes and other AI tools.

You should also try to be vague about any details about your child in posts. For example, you might take a photo of your child’s backpack hanging on a hook or a stack of school books, instead of posting a photo of them wearing a backpack and holding a board announcing their first day at a new school. Beyond your child’s appearance, details like the class they’re in could allow someone to estimate their approximate age, and announcing the school your child attends could let people know their location for most of the day.

Other considerations before posting about your children

While these are some things you can do to protect your children online, there are other things to consider before you or anyone else posts a message involving your child.

Discuss boundaries with others

Parents should discuss with each other and other family members what they are and are not comfortable posting about their child online. It can be uncomfortable to have this conversation with family and friends, but it’s best to have it early before you go on vacation with extended family members who take and post a lot of photos online.

My wife and I discussed our social media boundaries with our families before the vacation, and everyone respected our wishes.

“I don’t think you can be angry at people who don’t meet your expectations if you’re not clear about those expectations,” Maréchal said.

Think about how your child might feel

Your child is a person with his own feelings. They may not be able to communicate properly or fully understand what’s happening when you post something on social media now, but they will be able to in a decade. You might laugh at the video of them potty training, but will they find it funny in a few years? Plus, do you really need to show the world your child sitting on the toilet?

Many parents have embarrassing photos and videos of their children when they were younger. I know there’s a photo of me when I was young, half naked in a bathtub hidden in a box somewhere, and I would have been mortified as a teenager if that photo had been posted online. There’s a difference between an embarrassing photo that only a few people have seen and that same photo posted online, becoming part of the public domain forever.

Albers said she likes to encourage parents to slow down and ask themselves why they are posting something before they do it.

“You don’t have to pretend your child doesn’t exist,” she said. “Take a moment to think about what information might be in the post… And if you have a teenager, make sure, if they’re old enough, to get their consent. Ask their permission: ‘Can I post this?’ and really honoring [their answer]”.

If you’ve already shared, it’s not too late

If you have already shared images and videos of your child online, don’t panic! You can always set your accounts to private and take photos or videos from your social media pages. Plunkett said it’s always worth going back and removing items from social media accounts.

“Just because you posted something and can’t fully control where it went doesn’t mean you can’t do your best to reset the boundaries,” she said.