Since being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, I’ve thought about my mother a lot. What would my mother think of this diagnosis? Could she help me in many more ways than I am currently? Would she be the person I could run to and give me a big hug?
Although I have many questions, I know my mother could have helped me beyond measure. Something about our mother makes us feel safe and at home. We automatically resort to our inner eight-year-old and want our mother to fix everything. Even though my mother passed away almost ten years ago, I still think about running to her, telling her everything that happened and getting the warmest hug.
The rational part of my brain knows that she is gone and that I will never see her again on this side, but I know that I will see her in heaven. Will all my troubles here mean anything then? I don’t know, but I know that I will find the same comfort in my mother as when I was a little child of eight. Because the truth is, even as adults, we all still need our mom.
Fighting tough times
When I was seriously ill as a teenager, my mother had to take me to the hospital. Even though my mother and I had a strained relationship in the last years of her life because of my eating disorder, my mother always stayed with me. She was the one who accompanied me to the emergency room and supported me when I couldn’t stand up. When I collapsed on the floor, she was the one who came to pick me up and put me in a wheelchair.
There was something great about my mother and how nothing could stop her. During that emergency room visit, my mother had already been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Despite this grim diagnosis, my mother had the strength to lift me up and help me continue. The strength she possessed was that only a mother could have. Since then, I have never seen anyone as strong as my mother.
My mother was the type to be very anxious and stressed, but when it came to something going wrong with one of my sisters or me, she was calm. And that’s precisely how she found herself in the emergency room. She didn’t panic or get scared. Instead, she was there with me, keeping me calm. She never said, “Everything will be okay” because we weren’t one of those families, but her presence and calmness helped me know everything would be okay.
Now that she has been gone for so many years, I also recount this experience. Even though it was traumatic and led me to develop OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder – type of contamination), I saw how much my mother loved and cared for me. I’ve struggled to know this for most of my life, but when I think about the day I was in the emergency room, it changes my perspective on the topic at hand. My mother loved me, even if she didn’t show it in the most obvious ways.
Finding Support in the Lord
My mother won’t come back, even though I want her here with me more than anything else. This has been a tough pill to swallow, but I know there is no fighting it. My mother passed away and I have no choice but to continue to face difficult times without her. However, the Lord did not leave me alone in my struggles. He has always accompanied me and strengthened me. The Lord is our Good Shepherd, who will always guide us alongside still waters (Psalm 23:1-6).
While it is true that we cannot speak to Jesus face to face, we can speak to Him in prayer. We won’t hear it from heaven, but we will hear it from reading the Bible. Going to the Lord in prayer, followed by reading the Bible, has helped me tremendously. Some days I still feel hopeless, but the Lord can help me keep going. Despite the tears and the pain, he remained faithful.
No one is quite like our God. He is full of love, full of mercy and does not lack kindness. Knowing this helps us turn to Him more often. The Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit have become the ones I run to when I need them. My mother is no longer here, but God still is. Whether it is morning, afternoon or evening, He is there and ready to hear me.
There have been nights when I say nothing to God, and yet He knows precisely how I feel. The tears streaming down my face and the anguish in my heart do not go unnoticed by Him. When I pray to him and tell him that I miss my mother, he doesn’t condemn me or make me feel worse either. Instead, He gave me a safe place to express my feelings and be able to heal – and He is also a safe and healing place for you too.
Know it’s okay to ask for help
It is also important to mention that sometimes we also need professional help. This can take the form of doctors and therapists. By working with a therapist, I was able to work through my emotions related to the loss of my mother and know what to do when the pain overcomes me. The interesting thing about grief is that sometimes it never leaves us, and that’s okay. I don’t intend for the grief to ever go away, and in a way, I don’t want it to.
My grief helps me remember my mother and reflect on all the good memories we have together. I will never be the same person I was before my mother passed away, but God helps me grow regardless. None of us are truly the same people we were before the death of a loved one. Pain and sorrow have a way of changing us, and we need to know that everything is okay. We don’t need to try to bounce back and pretend everything is okay when we are deeply in trouble.
After the death of a loved one, I encourage everyone to seek therapy, as I mentioned above, and to talk with a doctor. Sometimes grief can turn into depression, and depression should be monitored by a doctor. My depression existed before my mother died, but it got a million times worse after she died. I had to see a doctor because of my depression and the medication helped me get better.
Therefore, try to ask for help. There is no shame in seeing a doctor or therapist. The truth is, we should be encouraged to seek professional help because they can help us heal and move forward. We can be strong through the help of God and professionals and by working on our own. That doesn’t mean we won’t miss our moms, but we can keep going until we see them again.
Related Resource: Helping Aging Parents: Encouragement for Women of the Sandwich Generation
Are you facing difficult decisions about caring for aging parents or loved ones? In this episode, we delve deeper into the challenges of recognizing when it’s time to intervene, the emotional roller coaster of moving someone into assisted living, and the power of socialization to revitalize cognitive health. Our guest, Wendy Jones from Next steps 4 seniorsshares practical tips for overcoming guilt, downsizing, and embracing healthy aging as a family. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about your next steps, this conversation is full of encouragement, resources, and real stories to help you stop comparing and start living with confidence. Heather and Wendy discuss the unique challenges of being the “sandwich generation,” where you have children still at home and aging parents to care for. If this episode helps you, be sure to subscribe to Compared to whom? has Spotify Or Apple Podcasts so you never miss an episode!
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