“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9NIV).
I left my stable job as a teacher a little over a year ago to pursue writing full-time. I had felt this calling since I was 14, but fear filled me now that I was finally able to do it.
How could I do it?
What if something happened to my husband?
What if I failed?
What if I had heard God wrong?
But the more the questions rang out, the more another voice was heard:
Leaving what you have always known is scary, but what is even scarier is staying where you are when you know you are called to leave.
Looking back on this year, I see peaks and valleys. I won a huge prize at a writing conference and signed with an agent. But I was also rejected by 15 traditional publishers because I didn’t have a large enough platform. I significantly grew my blog, email list, and social media, but I also hosted virtual events and few to no one showed up. I learned to hone my craft to become a clear and concise writer, but I also lost some of my joy and spontaneity in the process.
The path to becoming an author was not easy. I have shed many tears and prayed more prayers than I can count. Recently I have been feeling tired. Tired enough to give up, throw in the towel and abandon this call altogether. Even despite the victories, I felt confused and lost. Voices of discouragement returned and haunted me in more ways than I can describe. And yet the more I pray, the more I remember Galatians 6:9. So as not to tire of doing good. To keep going when times are tough. To hold on to it. To know and fully understand that God will bring glory for this, no matter what.
I also felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit in three places. Maybe you can understand.
1. We are called to sow and reap
It’s no coincidence that it’s precisely in the season when I feel tired that things are planted and blooming. Like a farmer with his crops, I realized that God called me to work hard. I am called to plant the seeds. I am called to water the seeds. I am called to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, following Him wherever He leads me, whatever the cost. But ultimately it is God who causes the seed to grow. It is God who will get the credit and the glory. Growth rests on God’s shoulders of responsibility, not mine. Why is this encouraging?
Every year, farmers plant hundreds of thousands of crops. They cannot control the weather, insects, and unprecedented conditions that often come their way. But they can grow. They can fertilize the soil. They can water. They can do what they can to help seedlings produce crops. But ultimately, they leave the rest in God’s hands. Droughts may occur. So many storms from tornadoes to locusts threatened to destroy the crops they had worked so hard to grow. And yet, they don’t worry. God wants the same thing for our lives and our callings.
We are not called to know all the answers or make everything happen (news flash, we are not that powerful). We are called to listen and obey. 1 Corinthians 3:5-9 He said: “What is Apollos, anyway? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you have come to believe, as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. you are God’s field, God’s building” (NIV).
Please meditate on these verses if you feel discouraged in your calling today. Stay faithful. Stay firm. But remember that he who sows generously will reap generously, just as he who sows sparingly will reap sparingly (2 Corinthians 9:6).
2. We are called to keep our hands open
Perhaps more than any other lesson I’ve learned this year, keeping your hands open is the hardest. It requires a deep understanding and surrender of the fact that we are not in control.
As an author, I can control a lot of things. I control what gets posted on my social media, what blog posts I write about, and what content is covered on my podcast. But I can’t control how many people follow me or join my email list. I can work on marketing and learn best practices to implement, but I have to hold each of those things with open hands.
Holding our calling with open hands means we have given God our deepest dreams and desires. We continue his call for us, but are open to his direction and modification of the plan.
Today I’m waiting for news of a pub board meeting. Despite being rejected by 15 other publishers, my book proposal reached the final stage with a publisher. If they say “yes,” I will receive a traditional contract offer. If they say “no,” I go back to the drawing board. Talk about holding something with your hands open.
This season has been one of letting go, of allowing God to give and take away. And yet, I am convinced that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion. I don’t know all the answers. I often don’t see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But I know that His plans for me are good and better than anything I could ever have in store (Romans 8:28, Ephesians 3:20, Psalm 138:8).
I don’t know what will happen in this meeting, but I know that God’s will will prevail and I trust Him. Whether I publish one book, a dozen, or none, He knows best. Having open hands is not easy. It’s an act of faith, but I’m learning to practice it every day.
3. We are called to have hopeful expectations
Perhaps, like me, you are tired of your vocation. You are tired of doing good and getting nothing in return. Maybe you’re even ready to throw in the towel. But my friend, you are not alone in these feelings; God cares about you.
We are called to have hopeful expectations, not because God gives us what we want, but because He gives us what we want. need.
As I prayed and sought God as part of my calling as an author, I also felt a direction toward Christian mental health counseling. I don’t know what that means or what it will look like. I’m not sure if he’s asking me to pursue a master’s degree or if he’s gently reminding me that my book on mental health is indeed the right area he wants me to focus on. Nevertheless, I meditated on Psalm 5 and encourages you to do the same.
Verses 1-3 read: “Hear my words, Lord, consider my lamentations. Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for it is you to whom I pray. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I present my requests before you and wait impatiently” (Psalms 5:1-3NIV).
David faced many adversaries during his life, even his son Absalom. And yet, in times of deep distress, anguish, confusion, and despair, David begs God to hear his cries even before his prayer is answered. Even before the call is confirmed. David chose to present his request to the Lord and wait impatiently. I hope he is expectant. Notes: “Do we not lose much of the sweetness and effectiveness of prayer through lack of careful meditation before it and hopeful expectation after it? Let holy preparation join hands with patient waiting, and we will have far greater answers to our prayers.
If you are tired today, know that you are not alone. I am here with you. Waiting, praying, searching for answers in dark and foreign places. But together we can rest in the confidence of the Lord. He not only hears our prayers, but answers them in ways that far exceed our human understanding. And even when we don’t understand, we are called to trust Him. So as not to tire of doing good. Ultimately, we will reap His harvest for us. And all of This? The pain, the confusion, the not knowing? It will be worth it.
Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Drazen Zigic
