The Celebrity Traitors – live

As is tradition, it is time for a word on the fallen. And oddly, both candidates for murder in last week’s yawn-off went home. Ross Kemp yawned first, and was killed. He will be missed, partly because his twitchy paranoia kept the show moving in the show’s slow opening tract, but mainly because he jumped into Traitors with both feet. In a year where many contestants have been a bit reluctant and half-baked, we need more people like him.

And then, after surviving the yawn-off, everyone banished Jerry Hall anyway. The strange thing is that nobody seemed to know why they were banishing Jerry, and nobody seemed to want to do it either. But rules are rules, and she is gone. But let’s look on the bright side. Based on her accomplishments in the castle, we can’t be entirely sure that she even knew she was on the show in the first place.

Before the episode begins, let’s review the contestants.

Maya Jama – TRAITOR. And, in fairness, a great one. None of the faithfuls suspect her, and both the other traitors are terrified of her.

James Acaster – TRAITOR. Genuinely very useless. His refusal to participate in last night’s mission will almost certainly come back and bite him on the bum,

King Kenny – TRAITOR. More furious with James Acaster than anyone on the face of the planet.

Miranda Hart – FAITHFUL. The clear favourite to be murdered today. Strategically, killing her would make the most sense, because then everyone will gun for Joanne at the round table. But it’s Miranda Hart, for god’s sake. It would be like killing a puppy.

Romesh Ranganathan – FAITHFUL. Also up for murder. Since he’s proved beyond doubt that he’s a faithful (because his sniffy nose gave him away during the blindfold task), killing him is the only chance the traitors have to get rid of him. Will they take it?

Sebastian Croft – FAITHFUL. Also up for murder. But he’s still a bit nothingy, so offing him probably wouldn’t serve much of a purpose yet. I declare him safe, which historically means that he’s doomed.

Joanne McNally – FAITHFUL. Had a weird passive aggressive barney with Miranda last night, which a) is causing lots of people to suspect that she’s a traitor and b) is a bit like having a weird passive aggressive barney with a cartoon penguin.

Leigh-Anne Pinnock – FAITHFUL. Lots of people still suspect that she’s a traitor, for reasons I couldn’t even begin to fathom.

Sharon Rooney – FAITHFUL. Has finally kicked into gear after realising that a perfume bottle was utilised in the murder of Ross Kemp. She’s so close to blowing the traitors wide open. Maybe tonight is the night she gets there.

Michael Sheen – FAITHFUL. Finally emerged in his rightful role as king of the castle. He’s smart, authoritative and by far the most determined faithful this year. The closest thing we currently have to Joe Marler.

James Blunt – FAITHFUL. Actually quite a good organising force in the missions.

Hi all, and welcome to The Guardian’s liveblog of The Celebrity Traitors, episode eight. We’re rounding the corner into the final week, and things are slowly, slowly starting to happen.

This is thanks to – and here’s a sentence I never thought I’d write – a consequential mission. Rather than simply get a thing from a thing, as has exclusively been the case this year, last night the traitors had to move among the blindfolded players, which opened up a trove of paranoid theories. And Sharon Rooney is hard on the case of Ross Kemp’s murder, tantalisingly close to finding the truth. AND Maya Jama and King Kenny are finally getting sick of James Acaster’s general uselessness as a traitor. Put simply, we’re going into this episode with a lot of balls in the air.

Leave your theories about the next murder in the comments, and join me back here at 8pm when the show kicks off, won’t you?