How to spice up your marriage

Whether you’ve been with the same partner for 2 or 20 years, things can get stale, routine sets in, maybe kids are in the picture and you might crave the excitement of the first days of dating.

Lauryn and Michael have known each other since they were 12 years old and still have chemistry and a friendship that shows no signs of slowing down.

Here’s more about the history of their relationship and how they first met.

So how do they do it?

Even if you haven’t known your husband since college, marriage is a long-term commitment that can make you so familiar that you’re a little bored.

We’re not saying your eyes look elsewhere, but you might fall into a routine that leaves little room for romance OR good sex.

When things get boring, you gotta find a way to keep it spicy and flirty, you know? But we know it’s not easy to get out of a rut once you’re in it.

Rekindling your romance and falling in love again can help make your marriage healthy and strong, so it’s definitely worth the effort.

That’s why today we’re sharing a list of ways to spice things up again and keep them hot and playful in a way that feels like You.

How to spice up your marriage

Use each other’s love languages.

If you haven’t checked The 5 love languagesit’s time to understand this. These love languages can be a game changer in relationships. Knowing exactly what your partner needs and being sure you can give it to them? Yes please.

THE five love languages are:

Words of Affirmation

Physical touch

Receive gifts

Acts of Service

Quality time

Everyone needs a little bit of everything, but some people have a strong preference for the best way to receive love. If you take the time to discover your partner’s love language and shower them with love in this special way, your partner will feel that love more strongly than if you balanced your love with all five languages.

Go on regular dates.

It is very important to set aside time to spend together, just for the two of you. You need time to talk, decompress, plan and dream together.

If things are going to get spicy, you need to have an emotional connection, plain and simple. And while that emotional connection is OBVIOUSLY there (why else would you be married?), it can be obstructed by everything else going on in your life.

Dating helps you strengthen that emotional connection, which makes it much easier to flirt, have great sex, and feel strong in your relationship.

Even if you stay home for your appointment, dress up a little. It can make all the difference between an ordinary night at home and a date with a capital D.

If you need an outfit for a date night, you know we’ve got you covered. Here is 13 Evening Outfits That Will Keep You Warm and Feeling Great.

Diversify your sex life.

Okay, we can’t add spice without better sex, can we? Chances are, no matter what type of couple you’re in, sex has become a bit vanilla. There’s nothing wrong with that on the surface, of course, but if you’re really looking to recapture some of that pre-wedding excitement, it’s time to take a little adventure.

Something simple like sexy lingerie or a hot playlist can go a long way. But don’t be afraid to go even further (no pun intended). Experiment with some sex toystry different positions, and even take on a new identity.

Bring back the flirting

Feeling wanted is a very important part of a spicy marriage. There are many ways to do it, but we think flirting is the most fun.

It brings an element of intrigue to regular conversation and turns a simple compliment into something that can make you blush.

Additionally, flirting regularly is a sign of a thriving and healthy relationship. In our book, anyway.

Be intentional about casual intimacy.

A seemingly simple way to bring romance back into your love life when you’re in a long-term relationship is to increase your casual intimacy.

When you make an effort to hold hands, put your arms around each other, and give each other quick hugs, it can remind you of the time you first fell in love and couldn’t keep your hands off each other.

And sure, maybe sometimes it will move from initiating casual intimacy to initiating sex, but hey, there’s no harm in that.

Put away the phones.

Lauryn loves putting her phone away and living in the moment.

It’s easy to get caught up in what’s happening on social media, in the news, or with your friends. But it is very important to be present when you are with your partner to make them feel wanted, seen and heard.

Plus, it gives you the chance to relax without all the constant notifications.

Set aside a night to put away the phones and spend time with your partner. You’ll be glad you did.

Recreate your first date.

It may seem strange to do something you’ve done before to spice up your marriage. But spicing things up is all about creating that feeling of butterflies and chemistry.

And when did butterflies and chemistry peak? On your first date!

Remembering how you felt all those years ago can reignite the excitement, while also reminding you of how much you’ve grown with your partner.

Go out of your way to do something special for your partner.

Whether put on your chef’s hatby having their favorite drink or removing a chore from their plate, they will appreciate the effort you put into doing something nice for them. It changes the routine, does them good and does you good too.

TIP: Lauryn makes a sandwich so good it can literally make your man fall in love with you again. Here is the recipe.

Create new traditions.

We should all have something to look forward to.

When your relationship starts to get a little monotonous, giving yourself something special to look forward to can make all the difference.

Train together.

Exercise gives you happy hormones, as does your partner. So why not give your happy hormones a little boost and combine the two?

It feels good to move your body, and studies show that regular exercise can increase your libidowhich means more good sex is on the horizon.

Some other ways to bring back the heat

Try a marriage podcast together.

There are plenty of relationship podcasts out there right now that can inspire deeper conversations. The one we love? The HIM & HER episode with Pookie and Jett. These two are raw, hilarious, and unfiltered—talking about love, marriage, and everything in between with complete honesty.

Also see:

Where should we start? by Esther Perel

Marriage therapy radio

The love prescription podcast

Queue an episode on your next walk or drive—it’s basically free therapy with laughs.

Start a “spicy” pot.
Here’s a fun twist: Each of you writes something flirty, sexy, or romantic on a piece of paper. Fold them and throw them in a jar. Once a week, choose one at random and do what it says. It’s spontaneous, fun and keeps things fresh.

Set a challenge in the bedroom.
This one is for couples who want to have fun. Challenge yourself to initiate sex in a different way every week for a month. The goal? Surprise, creativity and lots of fun.

Ultimately, marriage does not thrive on autopilot. It thrives on mutual effort, attention, and choice over and over again, even when you’ve seen each other in every possible mood, outfit, and phase of life.

And honestly? It’s quite beautiful.