How to have a happy marriage that actually lasts

You’ve probably heard marriage “advice” like happy wife, happy life And always keep your marriage 50/50. Cute, catchy, but extremely outdated.

A marriage doesn’t thrive because you split everything down the middle or constantly compromise just to keep the peace. It works because two people learn to grow together And individually.

It also works because you agree to put in the time, effort, and consistency that marriages need to succeed. It’s multi-layered, dynamic and yes, sometimes complex. But it is normal.

If you want a truly happy marriage that’s built to last, you need better advice than recycled clichés. So we share research-based strategies that support real connection, long-term intimacy, and a relationship in which he actually feels good.

Here’s how to have a healthy marriage:

How to have a happy marriage that actually lasts

Lauryn and Michael were married since 2016. During this time, they were not only united personally, but also professionally.

Together, Lauryn and Michael run The Skinny Confidential, Dear media and recently acquired Both. They co-host The HIM & HHER Show while maintaining their marriage and raising their three beautiful children.

Usually, marriage and business don’t go well together. But these two have an extremely strong union, built on proven relationship principles that lead to marital success.

In this article, we’ll talk about exactly how Lauryn and Michael, along with thousands of couples, do it. We’ll find out how they kept their spark alive, grew together, and maintained a strong, healthy marriage.

What percentage of marriages are happy?

Research shows that 70-80% of married couples say they are happy. This figure is rather encouraging! Especially if you’ve heard the distorted statistic that “half of all marriages end in divorce.”

This figure is not really accurate. Only about 33% of first marriages end in divorceand this number is actually decreasing every year.

We think part of this decline in divorce comes from people marrying later and being more selective about their partners. But it also comes from better access to relational education.

There are also marriage books, podcasts, courses, and articles like this one that give men and women the knowledge they need to cultivate a successful marriage.

What makes a happy marriage?

Trust

When couples trust each other, each person feels a sense of security and dependability. This allows them to be fully themselves. There is no jealousy, fear or doubt.

There’s also something very reassuring about knowing that you have someone to lean on and rely on, whatever the circumstances.

Shared values

Couples who share values have less conflict. If you have the same views on money, parenting, work-life balance, and everything else, you’re aligned in stressful seasons, not in opposition.

Emotional security

Couples who respect each other and care about each other’s emotions communicate much better than those who don’t.

You feel a slight sense of security knowing that you can be vulnerable without fear of judgment or resentment. This avoids shutting down, defensiveness, and withdrawal that can create a gap in intimacy.

Respect

When you respect someone, it completely changes how you view their best and worst traits. Couples who respect each other always appreciate their spouse and maintain their dignity despite conflicts.

Opening

Openness and honesty are the basis of a happy marriage. When you know for sure that you and your spouse have no secrets, you can count on clear, ongoing communication.

And when there are moments of confusion? You both ask questions and seek more information to understand each other better without judgment.

Friendship

You’ve probably heard people say, “You should never stop dating your spouse.” » Another cliché, but there is some truth to it. Marriage is work but it should also be fun.

And not because it requires grand gestures, but because a connection cannot be sustained. When you are more deeply connected as friends, it makes every day more enjoyable.

Dr. Terry and Heather Dubrow are a very good example. They are known in the reality TV world for having an incredible marriage that has spanned three decades, which is rather unheard of in Hollywood.

In their interview with TSCHeather said to Lauryn, “We are best friends…we love each other. Really! We respect each other”, talking about how she and Terry had such a healthy marriage. This kind of friendship will keep the marriage going long after the honeymoon expression has worn off.

Balance

In a marriage, two do become “one,” but that doesn’t mean you suddenly lose your sense of self. The strongest relationships are built when both partners feel supported, not only as a couple, but as individuals.

Encourage your partner in their own hobbies, passions, and goals, even if they don’t necessarily involve you.

Growth should not threaten a marriage; this should be exciting. And, more importantly, it invites the necessary balance.

Effort

Relationships have ups and downs, no matter how happy they are. It’s the constant, unwavering effort that keeps things strong.

The promise to show up every day, good or bad, builds trust and makes a marriage strong. It’s this kind of stability that allows a marriage to Really thrive year after year.

Growth

People change. This is true even in a marriage. In healthy relationships, couples grow together rather than growing apart.

Terry Dubrow also mentioned his episode that happy marriages come down to managing expectations. He shared that challenges and changes are to be expected. Nothing stays the same forever, and learning to evolve through these changes is part of staying connected.

This means staying curious about who your partner is becoming, not just who they were when you first met. It also means making room for new perspectives, priorities and phases of life, and tackling them together.

Marriage is not about staying the same; it’s about learning to grow in the same direction.

What are the signs of a happy marriage?

+ You feel calm and secure in the relationship, not anxious or nervous.

+ Disagreements do not threaten the relationship because they are resolved.

+ You laugh together regularly and enjoy ordinary moments.

+ You feel supported in your goals, not limited by the partnership.

+ Time spent apart strengthens the relationship rather than creating distance.

+ You assume good intentions by default.

+ You recover quickly after conflict instead of holding grudges.

+ Even when the other is not present, you speak of each other with respect.

How to be happy in your marriage

Build the relationship on integrity.

Michael always says that integrity is the foundation of a relationship. It is essential that you are honest, respectful and consistent.

It’s not just about the big things. Both Michael and Lauryn emphasized the importance of being on time, respecting boundaries, and communicating directly every day.

These everyday behaviors may seem small, but they are what create emotional safety, trust, and long-term connection.

Business communication expectations.

There’s almost nothing that erodes a relationship faster than assumptions and expectations. Many couples struggle here, and over time, these silent expectations turn into resentment and bitterness that quietly breaks down the relationship.

For example, instead of expecting your spouse to know that you want them to help you with a specific task and feeling upset when they don’t, try asking them directly. Your partner is not a mind reader and clarity prevents unnecessary frustration.

The same goes for emotional misunderstandings. If something your spouse did seems insulting to you, talk about it openly and give them space to explain their reasoning. More often than not, it is a misunderstanding or a well-intentioned action that just missed the mark.

Open, expectation-free communication can completely transform your marriage, replacing negative assumptions with curiosity and understanding.

Keep your identity in the partnership.

In a marriage, you shouldn’t just “disappear” into the role of spouse. Neither partner should constantly defer to the wishes of the other or abandon their own ambitions for the sake of convenience.

To maintain your identity, it is important to maintain your own interests, friendships, routines, and personal goals. While these should align with your shared values as a couple, maintaining independence allows both partners to grow, individually and together.

Make time for each other every day.

Life is busy, especially when you add in careers, children and other commitments. No matter what, make time for each other daily.

You don’t need to block out hours or plan something big. Instead, focus on being intentional with the time you already have together.

This might look like sharing a morning ritual, like coffee or a walk. It might be doing a daily task together, like cooking dinner or folding laundry. Even a short, thoughtful note slipped into their work bag can go a long way.

And when you’re spending quality time together, put your phone away. It’s super important isn’t it? just take the time, but also be truly present.

Flirt with each other and go on regular dates.

Flirting and regular dating keep the emotional connection alive in your marriage. You need dedicate time together to talk, decompress and reconnect without the noise of daily life.

Terry and Heather also talk about this in their interview with Lauryn and Michael. They highlighted how many marriages collide during and shortly after the birth of children because couples stop prioritizing marriage.

They say (and we wholeheartedly agree) that dating consistently and intentionally is one of the biggest reasons marriages stay strong during parenthood and beyond. beyond.

When intimacy is strong, flirting feels natural and things stay spicy. Dating helps eliminate stress and distractions that might prevent you from cultivating closeness and amazing sex life.

The dates do not need to be elaborate. Even staying counts if you treat this like a real date: dress up a little, change up the routine, and be intentional. (Maybe even role play, if things have gone vanilla in the bedroom.)

Regular flirting keeps the relationship playful and reminds both partners that they are still wanted. It’s one of the easiest ways to keep a marriage alive and connected.

For more help, read our article on how to spice up your marriage.

Never keep score: work as a team.

No matter what anyone tells you, marriage is not 50/50. . . and that shouldn’t be the case. When couples try to divide everything neatly in half (bills, household chores, time with the kids, even rest), it leads to resentment and bookkeeping.

There will be seasons when you are able to give 90, and your spouse only has 10. Illness, mental health issues, a big work project, or other stressors can all shift the balance.

Other times, the roles will reverse and you will be the one who needs additional support. In a Healthy Environment In marriage, there is always a partner ready to step in and carry more when needed.

Instead of expecting 50/50, remember that you are a team. The goal isn’t to get an equal outcome, it’s both partners showing up and doing their best for each other, no matter what.

Share a vision for your future.

Many relationship experts agree that having a shared vision for your future gives purpose and direction to the marriage.

Marriage researcher John Gottman talks about “creating shared meaning” in his book. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (which we highly recommend).

When you know where you’re going together, you share a clear idea of why. This shared goal helps couples get through difficult seasons with less conflict and fewer power struggles.

Even when one or both partners sacrifice more in a given season, it feels intentional rather than one-sided, because you’re working toward the same future.

A healthy marriage is built on trust, effort, and shared growth.

Marriage is not easy. Even with all the good strategies and shared values, there will still be plenty of ups and downs.

But remember, love is a choice, not a feeling. For a marriage that stands the test of time and brings you true joy, focus on deep connections and active teamwork.

If you want marriage advice from experts and those who practice what they preach, check out these podcast episodes featuring Dr. Phil and Robin McGraw, Dr. Morgan Cutlipand of course, Dr. Terry and Heather Dubrow.

x, The Skinny Confidential team

+ Hear marriage advice straight from Lauryn and Michael here.

++ Learn to create intimacy and maintain relationships.