I went to the altar last Sunday. And if you know anything about me, you know that’s a big deal. As the pastor continued to preach his message and the worship team sang the second verse, I knew the conviction was aimed directly at me. Most of us have felt this way at some point. Convinced the sermon was created just for us, but God has a sense of humor. So, with shaking hands, a racing heart (I swore everyone could hear), and shaking legs, I stood up and walked forward.
Our Church has gone through a series of statements about the Great I Am of Jesus. For example, Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. But this week the focus was on the great parallel between Jesus’ departure from his disciples and Thomas’s questions and doubts. Toward the end of the sermon, we learned that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, but sometimes we are so busy figuring out exactly what that looks like in our lives that we miss Jesus himself.
We are so focused on getting an answer or insight that we forget to be with him and abide in his presence. Be with the Path, the Truth, the Life, Itself, because the Path, the Truth and the Life is a person, not a destination or career path to be determined. Because the answer, the destination, the insight, is it him. And I must ask you, just as our pastor asked each of us: do you want the blessing, the outcome or the answer, or do you want Him?
Do you want the answer or him?
Since May 2024, I have been writing full-time as an author. Although I was called to this position at only 14 years old, it was not until almost 2 years ago that I began to pursue this calling. Over the past two years, I have experienced the highest highs and lowest lows. I signed with a local agent, showcased my writing on major platforms, and attended dozens of writing conferences. But when the project we thought would surely succeed received 26 rejections because it wasn’t “famous enough,” I became discouraged. Not just because of the rejections, but because I “almost” had a contract 6 times.
As any good author should, I then pivoted. I presented a completely different project and I had high hopes that it would be the one. Months later, I was told again: “You’re not famous enough.” » Digging in, I reorganized two projects and created a third. Just a few weeks ago my agent sent the new draft and today I write knowing that my proposal will be submitted to the final publication committee meeting tomorrow. It’s garnered incredible interest from major publishers, but inside I struggle with this tension:
What if they tell me I’m not famous enough yet?
What happens if I receive rejection number 27?
What if it never happens?
What happens if I never get published traditionally?
When will God answer my prayers?
When I heard my pastor ask if we want the blessing, the outcome, the answer, or God, I immediately felt convicted. Because over the last 12-24 months, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be published the traditional way. To be all that God has called me to be. To realize or begin to realize the dream he gave to 14-year-old Amber. And these things are not inherently bad. We should want to fulfill the desires and calling that God has given us.
But the reason I went to that altar was because I knew I had to lay it down. The desire to be published in the traditional way. The desire to be in control. The desire to know the next best step. The desire to know my future and see it mapped out before me. The desire for a book deal trumps my desire for God himself.
What should you ask?
As much as I wanted (and still want) that book deal, Jesus always was and always will be exactly what we need, way beyond what we think we want. He continues to give good gifts to his children, but let us not miss the gift itself. Do we have a stronger desire for an answer (or in my case, the book deal) or our relationship with Him? Do we seek certainty or closeness to Him?
If most of us are honest, certainty and answers feel like control. It’s about knowing what’s next and trusting that we’re on the best path forward. But certainty does not bring peace unless we first rely on the peace-giver himself. So instead of begging for answers, perhaps we should beg for more of Him and His presence. To sit with Him, knowing that He alone is enough for today, tomorrow, and each unknown day to come.
Today I don’t know what prayers you are begging the Lord to answer. I do not know the heavy burdens you carry, nor the circumstances that life throws at you. But I know that if we always seek answers, results, and ideas rather than His presence, we will always feel restless and empty inside. God longs to give us the desires of our hearts, and we should seek Him for answers, wisdom, guidance, and discernment. But it’s about the state of our hearts, my friends. Matthew 6:21 puts it this way: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (NIV).
As you continue your week, I want to encourage you to seek the Lord. Keep praying for answers to prayers. Ask Him to guide you, guide you, and direct you in the path you should go. But also ask Him to reveal the motives and intentions of your heart. Get on all fours before Him and confess whatever you need. Then ask Him to help you seek Him above all else in this world (good things, answers and instructions included).
Jesus is enough for us
Jesus Himself is the Way, the Truth and the Life, and when we have Him, we have everything we need, regardless of the answers we hear. Sometimes God doesn’t always show us the next step. He doesn’t always tell us the exact plan. But He says, “Be with me. Trust me. Wait. I know it’s scary. But believe. Hope. Hold on to me only.”
Tomorrow my book proposal will be with the largest traditional publishing house in the world. I’m still quite nervous about the outcome. Since I laid my heart at the altar, I know with confidence that no matter what, Jesus is always with me. He is my portion and my price. He’s more than enough for me and he’s all I need. He has good plans and he is in control.
I am learning to desire God more than His answer. More than a book deal. More than anything else in this world. And whether it’s a matter of the book or not, He is still who He says He is. He is still my loving father. He still has strong hands and a powerful arm. And his will will be done because no one can stop him.
Jesus is enough for you, my friend. Look for it today.
Photo credit: Unsplash/Naassom Azevedo
