While it is crucial to know when God opens a door, allowing us to step into a new family role, a church leadership position, or an untapped adventure, it is equally important to know when God closes a door. I’m not a therapist or pastor, but in my Christian walk, many women have asked me how to know when God says “no” to something. I often wondered the same thing. Just as I long to walk through the doors He holds open on my behalf, I long to know what doors I am pulling on, begging them to open, that God has closed for me.
He closes the doors, just as he opens them, for our well-being. To protect us from harm. To push us into a deeper walk with Him. To protect our healthy relationships and protect us from harmful relationships. To counteract discontent and put us on the path to peace. He closes the doors for our good, but we must still recognize when He has locked in a particular season, opportunity, or choice.
This is gray territory, because there is not a single commandment or red block of New Testament scripture that spells out blatant signs that God is closing a door. Yet in my own life, as I have seen God close the doors of dreams that I swore would deliver everything I could ever want, I have discovered some signs that He is closing the door, locking it, and throwing away the key in my name.
Let’s look at five ways God might close a door in your life:
1. Unbiblical Pursuits
Let’s cut to the chase: If you pursue a relationship, business venture, or any other endeavor that defies God’s ways, you better bet God will close that door.
I can attest to this from personal experience. In college, I met a Marine who instantly stole my heart. He was everything I wanted, but, in short, he wasn’t what I needed. And God knew it very well. He was not deceived by my boyfriend’s sweet words and good looks. Even though I willingly turned a blind eye to this man’s lies and hypocritical lifestyle, God never chose rose-colored glasses to hide what He did not want to see. God’s honest and protective nature would not allow me to continue in a relationship where He was not the priority.
Sure, I spent three years pulling that door closed, hitting the hinges with a jackhammer, and doing everything I could to force it open, but the Marine never fully committed. I was hurt over and over again, discovering lie after lie, until I realized that door was never worth my time, never worth my heart being broken over and over again. Eventually, I dropped my tools and left, and a few months later met my current husband, who allows Jesus to run our home.
Friend, if you are looking for anything that focuses on misplaced priorities, lies, and deceitful character, God is probably closing that door…for your own good.
2. Against Christian advice
Of course, your pastor, Christian mentor, and other trusted, godly friends don’t know everything. Yet when they each offer the same wisdom and explain that it’s time to walk away from a certain pursuit, perhaps that’s God’s way of whispering to you, over and over again, “This one’s not for you.” I have something better. Leave this door alone.
It’s always fun to hear what we want to hear, but that’s not why we embrace healthy, God-honoring friendships. We let iron sharpen iron (Proverbs 27:17), which means we enter into relationships that challenge us and encourage our walk with God. We trust that these friends and mentors, while funny, adventurous, and caring, are there to offer wise counsel and point us toward God, especially when we are so immersed in a particular relationship or opportunity that we have no outside perception.
Chances are, if all your godly friends and advisors are shaking their heads no, God is using their discernment to let you know that door is closed. And there’s a better one later.
3. Gnawing feelings
Sometimes great adventures await us. Getting there is as simple as saying yes to the engagement ring, signing on the dotted line on the contract, or agreeing to pack your bags and hop on the next Greyhound bus. These are good opportunities that offer everything you want. But you just can’t say yes; the word doesn’t seem to roll off your tongue well. You want to sign on the dotted line and get that extra promotion, but your hands are shaking a little too much. Your bags are packed, but you can’t find a bus with empty seats for weeks.
Simply put, the door doesn’t open. You are standing in front. No red flags are being waved; you can’t even find subtle yellowing lights flashing a warning. Everything seems morally right and promising, but there is this nagging feeling that what is right is not what is best. As Work 30:17 says: “…my throbbing pains take no rest.”
Many times, my friend, it is the Holy Spirit that tugs at your heartstrings. It doesn’t make you ashamed of the decision you want to make. He doesn’t think you’re stupid for believing that this could be a great opportunity for your life. It’s holding you back simply because if you throw yourself into what’s good, you could easily miss out on what’s best. And while God does indeed have good things in store for our lives, He cares far more about us seeking His best blessings. Of course, God’s best won’t always be easy and smooth, but His plans will always provide a contentment that we wouldn’t find if we were content with a mediocre life.
Don’t ignore this feeling that gnaws at your guts, heart and mind. Take time to pray and reflect on God’s voice before you jump into a “good” situation.
4. Lack of sleep
Throughout the Bible, we see many heroes of the faith, including King David, struggle with sleep when preoccupied with divine matters, usually grappling with unrepentant sin or debating surrender to God. Likewise, when we try to open doors that do not move, our bodies will be tired, but our souls will be wide awake, quickened by the Spirit to lean into what is right.
Let’s be honest, belief is no fun. It is the Holy Spirit who reminds us that we are not in the right situation or making the wisest decision, and that we must not only repent of our stubbornness, but also walk toward the door that God has opened for us.
We like to think that we know what is best for us. After all, who knows us better than ourselves?
Well, we could stop there and say that God knows us best, uniting us in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). And we could explore further how little we know about the future, how much our likes and dislikes are constantly changing, how many times we have been wrong about ourselves in the past.
If that nagging idea that you don’t always know what’s best for you is keeping you up at night, if conviction is stealing your sleep, perhaps it’s time to surrender to God’s will and leave the door closed, declaring that you know God has bigger and better doors in store for you.
5. Remember the character of God
Jesus took water and turned it into rich wine (John 2:1-11). He took a few fish and pieces of bread and fed thousands of people (Matthew 14:13-21). God takes good things and makes them great. It explodes our definition of good. He becomes the God of miracles, the one who defies the impossible.
If you ever stop and think, “I think God has best for me,” realize that your mind is affirming God’s character. This confirms that God’s nature is rich in blessings that we could never obtain on our own.
Friend, if you have a good opportunity, an opportunity that is meaningful and seems noble, but something inside you keeps whispering, “But God has more in store,” I encourage you to listen to that voice.
After all, it might not be your voice. It could be God’s still small voice reminding you that some doors are meant to be closed so He can open better ones (1 Kings 19:11-13).
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