You don’t always speak kindly.
The congregation member’s words cut like a knife. Although I strived to act in accordance with the Holy Spirit and manifest the fruits of the Spirit in my life, I was not perfect. This is particularly true in my words. Speaking the truth clearly to others sometimes seemed mean or harsh.
As I pondered the truth, I came to a surprising conclusion:
Jesus wasn’t always nice either.
Jesus called the Pharisees a brood of vipers, told them that their insides were like unclean cups, and implied that they were hypocrites because they knew the law but did not practice it themselves. While we often portray Jesus as a gentle, loving hippie who always loved others and never said a mean word, the Bible paints a very different story.
Because Jesus could discern what was in people’s hearts, he knew that the Pharisees would not change. Their souls were so full of pride because they knew the law, but did not practice it themselves. They were so busy pointing the finger at others that they couldn’t point it themselves. This made Jesus furious.
Although the Holy Spirit dwells in us and His fruits of the Spirit must be manifested in our lives for people to see our Christ-like character, the reality is that we are not always called to be kind to others.
However, we are called to love others. There is a difference.
Refraining from saying a harsh word to someone for fear that they won’t like us is not the kind of response Jesus requires of us. Jesus never relied on the identities of others to give him approval or self-worth. Instead, he clung to his father and knew who he was.
He sometimes made exceptions to kindness because he knew that simply holding on to that unkind word would never change their hearts. By telling you the truth, you give them the opportunity to repent and move forward in their spiritual walk. Holding that in the name of kindness isn’t loving them, it’s loving you.
Here are some ways I learned the meaning of true kindness:
Kindness Isn’t About Sweeping Problems Under the Rug
Many Christians choose to sweep it under the rug, not allowing anger and unforgiveness to fester in their souls. Many Christians believe that apologizing without a clear path to repentance makes the situation acceptable. People who have received these apologies believe that if they say, “It’s no big deal,” they can truly deal with the anger, forgiveness, unforgiveness, and other issues surrounding the offense, and that magically the situation gets better with the apology. However, hiding problems under the rug only makes things worse. A problem not resolved today will eventually surface elsewhere.
It is essential to discuss the problem. The person who was offended should be able to express themselves through statements about how this offense made them feel. The other person must accept responsibility, apologize, and seek to improve the situation through repentance.
Although no one is perfect, a person should try to treat others better. However, a person who simply apologizes but then continues to engage in this behavior is not really sorry at all. But sometimes they feel like an apology will sweep things under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist.
Kindness means speaking the truth clearly
Jesus embodied the Holy Spirit by being good to everyone. But sometimes he used what the world considered derogatory words to encourage the Pharisees to change. He called them a brood of vipers, told them their ideas were like unclean cups, and overturned temple tables when they used it for personal financial gain. Based on these principles, many people might think that Jesus was not nice. Yet he chose to show his kindness through the truth.
Christians must speak the truth, or speak it clearly, to others. Even though a person may feel hurt by what they hear, that doesn’t mean they don’t like it. In fact, a person who does not tell others the truth and just goes along with what they do is not kind or loving at all. In fact, they love themselves more than they love you.
Telling others the truth so they can change is sometimes the most loving thing you can do in a given situation. If you see someone going down the wrong path, you should warn them of the consequences that could await them if they continue on that path. It’s not bad; it’s being kind and compassionate to someone who you know is making a bad choice. If you see that a person’s choice will negatively affect their future life, it is essential to warn them.
Sometimes we don’t always see the problems in our lives. We need people in our lives to tell us the truth. For example, David asked Nathan the prophet to tell him when his sin with Bathsheba was darkening his heart. When his heart became hardened by sin by trying to cover up his adultery with Bathsheba, he lost his way.
He was no longer achieving the intimate relationship with Jesus God that he desired. It was Nathan who came to him and told him that he was acting in a way that was hurting him in his relationship with God. David, with his humility, chose to listen to him and change his habits.
If David had not had the strength and courage to warn him of his actions, David could have made other, more dangerous decisions, which would have changed not only himself but also those around him. As king, he must make decisions in the best interest of his people. When he chose to make selfish decisions, starting with sleeping with Bathsheba, he could no longer have the intimate access to God that they once had.
David’s commitment to repentance changed everything. But it was Nathan who sparked this change.
Kindness is more than words
Kindness isn’t just saying something nice about someone’s outfit or saying hello on a Sunday morning. Kindness is building someone up. Kindness can mean affirming a person’s character, but it can also mean taking action. We often view acts of kindness as expressions of our love and compassion for others.
We can be kind without saying a word to anyone. It is through our actions that we show the example of Christ that we want to imitate for the world. If we want to be kinder people and demonstrate Christ-like qualities, we must take tangible, practical action to help others.
Think about ways you can be kind without saying a word. Consider volunteering at a local food pantry, raising money for those in poverty in your community, and helping those in need.
Kindness, like other fruits of the spirit, is an action that is sometimes easier said than done. However, if we understand that telling the truth to others, not sweeping issues under the rug, and letting our actions, rather than our words, dictate our behavior, we can be the kind of people the world is looking for.
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