I don’t know what’s wrong with me!? Why am I not getting better?
This is the kind of thing I keep asking myself questions about…
I know I should write to you more. I know I have springs from the Lord to release. I know I should pursue new podcast and video work. I know that. I really know it. I know it deeply. I keep looking at the fact that I know this.
So, there you go.
And I can celebrate some things, like the success of the Cultivating Calling pilot, the second round of which I’ll be contacting you about soon…
However, after a reader contacted me yesterday to ask why I don’t write, I had to think about the answer. Here’s why:
- Hormones. To stay emotionally balanced, I really have to keep my diet on track.
- Sleep. I think #1 has issues with #2.
Also, to dig deeper – which is always an important thing to do – I’d be lying if I didn’t recognize a few other things:
- I keep getting distracted by my phone. In idle moments, I see my phone, pick it up and let myself be dragged elsewhere. It’s horrible to admit, but yesterday my phone showed me a summary of the time spent on it. I was so shocked that today I can’t even give you the number.
- I keep getting caught up in the world: news, sports, random scrolling, and asking questions about ChatGPT health. Ugh.
But I see it now: scrolling is quietly stealing my vocation. I see it. I hate it. I’m not happy about it.
But you will all be proud of me. Right now I left my phone upstairs so I could write this. I did well.
When I sat down to write this morning at 5:15 a.m., my computer battery was at red. It occurred to me that if a computer’s battery is red, you don’t just sit there and stare at the red bar. You run quickly and collect the charger. You get help, fast.
So today I’m running fast to get the help and fees I need.
Today I run to you all to ask: can you pray for me? Pray that I sleep well and give up this stupid phone so that I can see God’s calling clearly. Pray that I will do all I can in obedience, by His power, by His faith, and by His direction. God, help me!
I need your prayers, my friends. Maybe you need help too…
It’s okay to need help. Admit our need. To recognize where we are. To ask for help. To receive prayer. We are not bad because we need help. We don’t need a ten-point counseling plan. We just need prayer. It’s good.
There is no shame in being honest or asking for help.
Remember Peter’s conversation with Jesus while Jesus was washing his disciples’ feet:
“No,” said Peter, “you will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you will have no part with me. » (John 13:8 NIV)
Humility is like receiving help.
When we receive help, we often receive the very ministry of Jesus that many of us continually seek. We think help is not there, but God placed someone is there to help us, if only we would see it and be honest with it.
Sometimes we are too proud to ask for help. Sometimes I’m too proud to ask for help.
What do you need help with today, dear friend and child of God, filled with determined faith?
Maybe recognize where your battery is in the red. Share it with a friend and ask for prayer. Ask me! I will pray for you.
For what?
Because prayer works.
It is.
I fully hope that your prayers will help me.
It’s okay to be needy.
And one more thing: I just want you all to know that each and every one of you is extremely amazing to me. I just wish I could hug you and let you know how valuable you are in God’s eyes. I hope we can meet one day. If not here, then in heaven… I hope we can meet in a joyful celebration of worship as we lift His name higher together.
Won’t it be wonderful?
Love,
Kelly
Prayer: Father, sometimes we do what we don’t want to do, even after we have decided not to do it. Then we go back and start again. It’s so frustrating.Father, will you help us let go of the things that keep us away from you? Will You give us grace and power to do a new thing and walk a new path? Help us not to define ourselves by our faults or mistakes. Instead, help us to fix our eyes on You and Your great power to help us.
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a determined faith
Kelly, a fun, active, and spunky mom to two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers, and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called the “Cheerleader of Faith,” Kelly’s greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully, and unhindered for the Lord.
