From planning sex to being selfish: 10 ways to improve intimacy
1. Talk about any problems
Things seem to be working fine without really thinking about it. Then, when it starts to go wrong, you're not sure how to talk about it, so the situation gets to a point where you're stuck and you don't know how to deal with it. The first step to solving this problem is for each person to spend a few days thinking about what they see as the problem, and then agreeing to sit down together for a discussion. Take turns saying, “That's what I think is the problem, and that's how it affects me. Here comes the opportunity to really get to the heart of the matter and determine what is needed.
2. Look for reasons sex might have changedHow was the sex? How was the intimacy? What changed? What are the blocks to sort it? Maybe there were times when you maybe didn't feel like having sex or maybe you weren't in the mood, and it was misinterpreted, or there was a few times you've been rejected. And then you get into a pattern of not having sex or avoiding it.
3. Talk about your first meeting. And make an effort to look niceSpend an evening discussing what you like about the other person. You can remind each other of what brought you together. Do this the first night, then the next night get dressed, go out for a meal, and make an effort to feel and look special. What you are likely to find is that you feel much more connected and this can lead to noticing desire, feeling sexual, and you can rekindle something that may have been lost for some time.
4. Every time you leave the house (and come back) make it a point to have a kiss or a hugThere is no intention of it leading to sex, you accustom idea that you can recover intimacy. Be sure to say, "I like what you're wearing," text each other throughout the day saying, "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you." This way you recreate some of the behaviors you probably exhibited at the start of your relationship and convey the message "I notice you and I like you", so that the feeling of feeling closer to the other person, emotional intimacy, begins to return.
It's committing to maintaining the relationship by saying: even if sometimes we don't feel like it, we realize the importance of it and we will try to be sexual. It's about not letting any gaps appear, so it becomes more normal not to have sex. What your schedule says is that Friday nights are your night, you'll put effort into making it special, and that can lead to more intimacy. Maybe...
Things seem to be working fine without really thinking about it. Then, when it starts to go wrong, you're not sure how to talk about it, so the situation gets to a point where you're stuck and you don't know how to deal with it. The first step to solving this problem is for each person to spend a few days thinking about what they see as the problem, and then agreeing to sit down together for a discussion. Take turns saying, “That's what I think is the problem, and that's how it affects me. Here comes the opportunity to really get to the heart of the matter and determine what is needed.
2. Look for reasons sex might have changedHow was the sex? How was the intimacy? What changed? What are the blocks to sort it? Maybe there were times when you maybe didn't feel like having sex or maybe you weren't in the mood, and it was misinterpreted, or there was a few times you've been rejected. And then you get into a pattern of not having sex or avoiding it.
3. Talk about your first meeting. And make an effort to look niceSpend an evening discussing what you like about the other person. You can remind each other of what brought you together. Do this the first night, then the next night get dressed, go out for a meal, and make an effort to feel and look special. What you are likely to find is that you feel much more connected and this can lead to noticing desire, feeling sexual, and you can rekindle something that may have been lost for some time.
4. Every time you leave the house (and come back) make it a point to have a kiss or a hugThere is no intention of it leading to sex, you accustom idea that you can recover intimacy. Be sure to say, "I like what you're wearing," text each other throughout the day saying, "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you." This way you recreate some of the behaviors you probably exhibited at the start of your relationship and convey the message "I notice you and I like you", so that the feeling of feeling closer to the other person, emotional intimacy, begins to return.
It's committing to maintaining the relationship by saying: even if sometimes we don't feel like it, we realize the importance of it and we will try to be sexual. It's about not letting any gaps appear, so it becomes more normal not to have sex. What your schedule says is that Friday nights are your night, you'll put effort into making it special, and that can lead to more intimacy. Maybe...
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