My partner has lost her libido. Should I have an affair with another man?
I am a 52 year old male in a romantic relationship with my female partner, who is 49 years old. Although we have great intimacy and companionship, we do not have sexual intimacy as a partner has gone through perimenopause and has no desire for sex. I've had it for two or three years, and even though I've maintained my fidelity (and masturbated for sexual relief), I miss the sexual experiences with her. I didn't put any pressure on my partner to have sex and I don't want to sleep with another woman. However, I am bisexual and thought I would have sex with another man as a friend with benefits. When I talked about it with my partner, who knows about my bisexuality, she became extremely upset. I feel lost. I love her deeply but I don't know what to do. Should I just give up on sex and celebrate the deep intimacy we have in our relationship?
Becoming a supporter and advocate for your partner by helping them regain their interest sex is what she wants. You can start by encouraging her to see a sex therapist or sexual medicine specialist who can assess the role that the decrease in sex hormones might play in her loss of libido and offer treatment. There may well be other factors affecting her sexual response, but most are treatable; you just have to investigate it. Both of you don't have to suffer that way. The loss of a couple's sex life can be devastating and cause great misery, which is why I recommend you take action immediately.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist, specializing in the treatment of sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns at private.lives@theguardian.com (please do not send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses a problem to answer, which will be posted online. She regrets not being able to maintain personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Comments on this article are pre-moderated to ensure that the discussion stays on the topics raised by the author. Please note that there may be a short delay in posting comments on the site.
I am a 52 year old male in a romantic relationship with my female partner, who is 49 years old. Although we have great intimacy and companionship, we do not have sexual intimacy as a partner has gone through perimenopause and has no desire for sex. I've had it for two or three years, and even though I've maintained my fidelity (and masturbated for sexual relief), I miss the sexual experiences with her. I didn't put any pressure on my partner to have sex and I don't want to sleep with another woman. However, I am bisexual and thought I would have sex with another man as a friend with benefits. When I talked about it with my partner, who knows about my bisexuality, she became extremely upset. I feel lost. I love her deeply but I don't know what to do. Should I just give up on sex and celebrate the deep intimacy we have in our relationship?
Becoming a supporter and advocate for your partner by helping them regain their interest sex is what she wants. You can start by encouraging her to see a sex therapist or sexual medicine specialist who can assess the role that the decrease in sex hormones might play in her loss of libido and offer treatment. There may well be other factors affecting her sexual response, but most are treatable; you just have to investigate it. Both of you don't have to suffer that way. The loss of a couple's sex life can be devastating and cause great misery, which is why I recommend you take action immediately.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist, specializing in the treatment of sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns at private.lives@theguardian.com (please do not send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses a problem to answer, which will be posted online. She regrets not being able to maintain personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Comments on this article are pre-moderated to ensure that the discussion stays on the topics raised by the author. Please note that there may be a short delay in posting comments on the site.
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