Older generations are reclaiming rites of passage

Rituals like graduations and weddings are rare for older people. Some find ways to honor their momentous occasions.

Harry Oxman's bar mitzvah at Society Hill Synagogue in Philadelphia was much like the traditional Saturday morning event.

< p class="css-at9mc1 evys1bk0">He recited the usual prayers before and after the Torah reading. He discussed the meaning of the Torah portion of the day. He carried the sacred scrolls in procession around the sanctuary. The rabbi offered a blessing; the congregation shouted a "Mazel tov!" and threw candies to symbolize the sweetness of the days to come. Lunch followed, with toasts from family members.

The difference was that the celebration, a tradition that normally marks Jewish adulthood for 13-year-olds , took place in 2019, when Mr. Oxman was 83 years old. Because the 90th Psalm says the age of 70 represents a full lifespan, some congregations offer this rite of passage - often for the second time - to those who are 83.

"It comes at a different transitional time in life," said Rabbi Nathan Kamesar, who proposed the ritual to Mr. Oxman. "It's a time for reflection, an opportunity to look back on the life you've led and perhaps move forward on what the next chapter could be."

Young people have many of the rituals that mark milestones – graduations, weddings, newborn ceremonies, even milestones like getting a driver's license or the first vote – while people older people have few. While birthday and anniversary parties can be a lot of fun, they don't usually involve the same kind of life cycle changes or contemplation that rituals can bring later in life.

< p class="css-at9mc1 evys1bk0">That's partly because ceremonies observed since ancient times fail to recognize the longevity of modern life, said Jeanette Leardi, a social gerontologist and community educator in Portland, Oregon. Americans born in 1900 did not expect to turn 50; why would they have planned rituals for later in life?

But the lack of opportunities to celebrate, Ms. Leardi said, also reflects the ageist assumption according to which the elderly do not have much to look forward to, that they are unable to change. Yet transitions are at the heart of these rites of passage, she added: "As a culture, we don't have the belief that this person has lived for decades and is ready to take on a new role, and that we should honor that. .”

Mr. Oxman is now 86 and still a lawyer. Raised by secular Jewish parents, he did not do a bar mitzvah as a teenager. Decades later, "it was important to me to have done that," he said. Although he was president of the congregation, he said, the ceremony and the weeks of preparation were "extremely meaningful" and marked "the first time I felt like I was really in my place".

Here and there, elderly people invent or reinvent other rites of passage at important times in their lives.

Katherine Spinner, a childminder, has spent many weekends commuting from her home in Seattle to classes at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. Decades earlier, bouts of depression had interrupted his studies. But later in life she said, "I wasn't terribly depressed, and after a lot of hard work, I had finished my studies."

En 2018, at age 60, she marked her graduation at the Friends of College reunion in Seattle, of which she was a long-time member. She organized a special meeting for worship in the unscheduled Quaker tradition, where some attendees were brought in to speak.

The gathering included a potluck dinner, an exhibition of his ceramic sculptures and lots of singing. "I felt like I was giving something and also receiving appreciation from my...