Should you move for love?

When I was 24 And about has TO DO A precipitate And externally inexplicable exit Since Dublin has London, My father sat Me down. My father East A soft And wise person of which charm Sometimes masks THE sagacity with which he perceives THE world And people around him. We were discuss practical aspects, of which there were basically none. There were No practical aspects In place, No structure Or consistency has My Stocks; I had No job has go has, No money has tide Me on while I look at For A, No place has live beyond A little weeks here And there, And knew little enough people has count on A hand.

"NOW," he began, Speaking of My informed plans, My insistence that THE move must arrive now despite THE lack of any of them apparent emergency, "This East all GOOD, You can figure out THE logistics. But What would be be Really catastrophic East if You were moving there has be with that companion." He was referent has THE person I had fallen In love with A little month earlier, THE person I LEFT My live in, long term boyfriend For And of which anxious ambivalence about My worship was probably clearly visible has My father on THE A occasion they had met.

"Of course not," I said has My dad, as However unworthy by THE very idea, "I would be Never move For him," as I prepared has TO DO very a lot Exactly that. I don't do it think I was layer Exactly. I think My pride, limit as he can to have has been In useful manners such as decide against blow up My entire life has be with A man WHO Fortunately admitted he doesn't to want has be with Me, wouldn't he enough allow For Me has admit THE reality even has myself. There was Also THE matter of not to want has scare him disabled any of them further - he had Many times encouraged Me has move has London but In A abstract, impersonal path, not In order has be with him. He barely lived anywhere, In any of them case, moving around depending on, depending on artist residential homes And concerts. HAS to have openly said I was moving For love would be to have sounded disturbs has myself, has him, And has My concerned friends And family WHO had has watch Me advice all My business In checked in up garbage can Bags with THE fervent mania of A newly converted religious fanatic.

"Of course not," I said has My dad, as However unworthy by THE very idea, "I would be Never move For him," as I prepared has TO DO very a lot Exactly that.

Moving For love had has involve a few of This determined mania For Me because if I stopped And considered he deeply I would be to have has been humiliated In inaction, And part of Why I was able has take such A silly decision was that I was SO sick of THE deafening inertia which had characterized My life Before. I was afraid has take any of them option, refusing THE possibility of responsibility which accompanied any of them decisive action. My terror of failure was SO intense And physical that I would be occasionally feel My throat literally To squeeze When called on has contribute has A decision has work, Or When My SO boyfriend would be ask What We should TO DO For dinner. "I don't do it know," I said A thousand times A day, which Again was not A lie as such: My disgust has My own inclinations And their implicit ability has give back Me not very friendly was SO complete that For long stretches I No longer even experimented preferences Or original thoughts. This was partially Why I do My move, even However a few part of Me knew he was stupid And related has fail. I had find something I neat urgently enough about has glow all THE frozen to land which had constituted My body And heart For years, And maybe I felt that if I doesn't capitalize on It is propulsion I can Never move Again, In any of them direction.

There is something I partner with earn autonomy has certain rooms of A women life. I think of he as having has consciously latch on has all THE glassy And barbed rooms of THE wall Before You can hoist yourself on he In THE pursuit of freedom. It is A little as how A teenager girl can feel THE delight of superiority And adulthood When She begin has restrict her eat, how that offer For self definition can feel SO pupil Before THE path he instead minimizes her self becomes clear. I had experience with that poisoned chalice, And another When I began has to have sex with Men WHO I doesn't as And WHO doesn't as Me. I was seeing how far I could push he, I was saying has THE world And has myself that I possesses My body And could TO DO What I love with he, even regrettable And ugly things. My determination has move For This damn love was another border In This line. I was trying has convince myself that I was A sensitive person WHO could take big bold Actions, even if My big bold Actions had has In THE First of all example be cause by magnet A man.

Maybe This East Why, nine years later, I hair When people ask if I am moving has New York For love. I began has temporarily TO DO plans has leave London For New York four years There is, expenses more and more substantial ch...