The combat pants conundrum: Why would anyone wear £725 cargo pants?
Name: Cargo pants.
Age: 85 years old.
Appearance: Solid, reliable, utilitarian, ugly.
What are those "cargo pants" you speak of? These are just the most perfect pants in the world. Weren't you alive during the brief Y2K cargo pants revival?
No. So let me fill you in. Cargo pants - or combat pants as they are also called - are basically pants with extra pockets midway down the legs. Originally intended for military use, they gained popularity two decades ago as a mystical third way for the trouser-wearing community.
What are you talking about ? Imagine, if you will, pants that straddled the divide between all previously available pant shapes. Less formal than chinos. More formal than joggers. Pants that finally freed humanity from the tyranny of jeans. God, they were perfect.
Wait, didn't we just describe them as ugly? Oh my God, yes, they were ugly. Incredibly ugly. Especially if you used the leg pockets.
Seems like it's a good thing they're out of fashion then. Well, about that. They're back in full force.
Oh my God. Vogue says so and all. Cargo pants are apparently a staple of the Spring/Summer 2023 runways. They're both "the only style to grab right now" and "a surefire winner".
Wait, that sounds familiar. Are cargo pants back yet? Yes, cargo pants were also back in 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019 and 2018.
Why didn't they stick before? Because cargo pants are ugly.
So why are they gonna stick now? Because Vogue says they're cool. And also because the creators all seem to have suddenly lost their minds. They throw superfluous cargo pockets on everything. Bags, coats, sweaters, skirts, etc.
It seems extremely practical. Maybe I'll start wearing cargo pants. Uh! I knew this would happen.
What's the matter? I started wearing cargo pants because I'm bland and anonymous and just appreciate the utility that the extra pockets provide.
Okay… And now, I'm going to be harassed on the street by all kinds of unwanted fashionistas. They are going to photograph me for their street fashion Instagram accounts.
Oh, no. They're gonna ask me if I'm wearing the new Wardrobe.NYC £725 cotton cargo pants they saw in the magazines.
Just tell them you bought them from Millets. They cost 20 pounds. No. It's my life now. If I want to look bland and anonymous, I'll have to start wearing other pants that were once fashionable but now look silly.
No , don't say it, please! That's right, I'm sorry to say that I will now be entering my skinny jeans phase. God have mercy on my soul.
Say, "Cargo pants are back!"
Don't say "Cargo shorts next, please!"
Name: Cargo pants.
Age: 85 years old.
Appearance: Solid, reliable, utilitarian, ugly.
What are those "cargo pants" you speak of? These are just the most perfect pants in the world. Weren't you alive during the brief Y2K cargo pants revival?
No. So let me fill you in. Cargo pants - or combat pants as they are also called - are basically pants with extra pockets midway down the legs. Originally intended for military use, they gained popularity two decades ago as a mystical third way for the trouser-wearing community.
What are you talking about ? Imagine, if you will, pants that straddled the divide between all previously available pant shapes. Less formal than chinos. More formal than joggers. Pants that finally freed humanity from the tyranny of jeans. God, they were perfect.
Wait, didn't we just describe them as ugly? Oh my God, yes, they were ugly. Incredibly ugly. Especially if you used the leg pockets.
Seems like it's a good thing they're out of fashion then. Well, about that. They're back in full force.
Oh my God. Vogue says so and all. Cargo pants are apparently a staple of the Spring/Summer 2023 runways. They're both "the only style to grab right now" and "a surefire winner".
Wait, that sounds familiar. Are cargo pants back yet? Yes, cargo pants were also back in 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019 and 2018.
Why didn't they stick before? Because cargo pants are ugly.
So why are they gonna stick now? Because Vogue says they're cool. And also because the creators all seem to have suddenly lost their minds. They throw superfluous cargo pockets on everything. Bags, coats, sweaters, skirts, etc.
It seems extremely practical. Maybe I'll start wearing cargo pants. Uh! I knew this would happen.
What's the matter? I started wearing cargo pants because I'm bland and anonymous and just appreciate the utility that the extra pockets provide.
Okay… And now, I'm going to be harassed on the street by all kinds of unwanted fashionistas. They are going to photograph me for their street fashion Instagram accounts.
Oh, no. They're gonna ask me if I'm wearing the new Wardrobe.NYC £725 cotton cargo pants they saw in the magazines.
Just tell them you bought them from Millets. They cost 20 pounds. No. It's my life now. If I want to look bland and anonymous, I'll have to start wearing other pants that were once fashionable but now look silly.
No , don't say it, please! That's right, I'm sorry to say that I will now be entering my skinny jeans phase. God have mercy on my soul.
Say, "Cargo pants are back!"
Don't say "Cargo shorts next, please!"
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