I’ve been working on this one for a while, and as we head into Mother’s Day weekend, my heart is heavy for the women who surrounded me during my own motherhood. Having grown up thinking about weddings and being a mom, I never imagined I would have to do it without my own mother. This is exactly what we had to do. We lost my mother to cancer in 2012 and were blessed with twins in 2014. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. My IVF procedure was a year to the day after his death, I found out I was pregnant a year to the day of his funeral, and they were born the day after his birthday. She certainly contributed to my motherhood. Even though she is no longer physically part of my village, she will always hold a sacred place in my heart. As we head into Mother’s Day weekend, some of you may have already lost your mother or may not have the best relationship with her, which has naturally created a desire in our hearts to start a new family.
A village of our own creation. The word village has a Latin origin and means “a group of houses and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet and smaller than a town, located in a rural area”. So, over the years the definition has changed. Our villages went from harvesting and hunting together to playing dates at the mall and soccer fields. Most often, these mental encounters involve coffee in the park and arguing between toddlers or looking for big kids to make sure they haven’t strayed too far. Even if they still share one thing in common. More than one mother helps another. They say it takes a village; I heard this saying many years ago, before I became a mother. And as a new mom, it’s something we’re told or known: we can’t do this alone. After a decade of motherhood, this saying rings truer for me in many ways. We don’t have to have a village to raise our babies; it takes a village to support us while we raise our babies. Looking back over the last decade, my goodness, there have been so many seasons and moments where my husband and I have felt truly blessed by the tribe around us. You know the village that we create throughout our lives. The village you start with and add to as the seasons change and the titles become longer or shorter, as last names change, and we celebrate births, mourn deaths, and toast new homes or jobs together. I recently realized that I have many reasons to be grateful, not only to the people we encounter on a daily basis, but also to those who have stood out to us throughout our lives. I hope you feel the same gratitude as you read these words.
Man, the journey from daughter to wife to wife to mother is as winding as Lombard Street in San Francisco. Lots of twists and turns, lots of things you didn’t see coming, but oh, it’s so beautiful thinking about it or continuing to go through it. And sometimes it’s not about where you’re going, but who you’re traveling with, right?
Lately, I have felt deeply grateful to have been lucky enough to have such a village. A makeshift village, so random. I was not born into a big family. I made my family. I’m so lucky to say that some of the women I still look up to today were girls I looked up to when I was 12 years old. Some of these today are brand new blessings that God smiled upon me, as I was open to see what a gift they truly are.
What a gift they all are. I can’t imagine life without this village. As I recently unpacked all of our books and photo albums, I saw them through so many seasons of my life. Those who grew up with me, who knew me then, who loved me then, who lived the whole journey from a girl to a woman, then to a wife, then to a mother. They were there for it all: the laughter, the tears, all the growth that life throws us through. And I really like them because they’re still there. I cherish the courage and tenacity of these friendships more than gold.
And then there are the gems we pick up along the way when we weren’t even looking. In the corners and seasons where we thought we were good. We were determined to take things from there. But God said, “No, you’re going to need this one.” »And in that moment, your village and your heart grow.
Let’s not forget the women you were thrown into when you had kids. You know them, the first days of school and dance classes. It’s so awkward making friends as an adult, but they’re in the thick of it with you, and you can bond with them like no other because they understand you, right now. The you who hasn’t taken a shower or spoken to another adult in too long. Some of these women I knew from the beginning, I was going to keep forever. And luckily for me, they felt the same way.
All these women make up my village. Those who have been on the road with me since I was 12 and those I have been surprised with, God has blessed me. Even when we moved across the United States, he had women here that he knew would be a part of this village, and I am very grateful for that. These women make me who I am and inspire me, motivate me, and remind me all the time that yes, it takes a village…not to raise our babies, but to enjoy raising a glass with them. And that this journey is so much richer and full of flavor if we do it together. If we step out of our comfort zone and share with these women who we really are and what’s really going on under that baseball cap or mommy sunglasses. Being authentic and loved is the ultimate gift of friendship.
I am so grateful to my village – all of you. I may not be able to talk to you or see you as often as I’d like because, let’s face it, raising kids, homeschooling, being a wife, and working is a lot. But you all keep me going, and when we get together, it’s all the better because I know it’s special. So keep going, ladies, and when things get tough or dark, know my number, know that you are not alone. I’m here for whatever we need to get back into alignment with God’s plan for this adventure. I’m here for all that. And thank you for being here too. In saying that, let me also add: Why don’t we see each other more? Can we normalize invitations amidst chaos, and not just wait for special events or occasions? Don’t worry about our home, our mental state, or the behavior of our children; invite each other.
This Mother’s Day weekend, celebrate motherhood and the women who help you become your best self. I will think and pray for all of you who make me who I am. And I promise to send you an invitation soon. BYOR Bring your own rake…count?
Ecclesiastes 11:4 “Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.” Let’s not put these amazing villages in a cupboard of our hearts and forget them. Let them in. Invite them to sit on the couch, drink our coffee, share our stress, our joy and our pain. Share with us what they experience in their homes, what they do on their land and with their families, and let’s show them what we do at home. Who knows, maybe we can even take on some projects together. After all, what does “it takes a village” mean?
Photo credit: ©Pexels/Elina Fairytale
Kimberly Trigo always loved writing. It started with poetry when she was a teenager. Kimberly has just returned to the banking industry after being a stay-at-home mom to twins. She and her husband recently moved from California to Tennessee and built a barndo. They stay busy with soccer, youth groups, Bible studies, as well as helping at church with children’s ministries. Kimberly wears a lot of hats, but her favorite hat is the maternity one.
