I did things I swore I would never do. I made choices I thought I would never make. I hurt the people I loved. With all the ruins I was leaving in my wake, I became more and more convinced that I had been cast into the fate of unkind people.
I had gone too far.
At one point in my life, there might have been a place where I could spend eternity with my Father up there, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. Yes, people told me his love was eternal and nothing could separate me from him, but the problem was they didn’t know my story. If they knew my story, they would probably feel the same way about me.
Damaged. Broken. Lost. Irreparable.
So, I will do whatever it takes to keep my secret. I would keep it locked in the safe that was buried deep within my heart. I would hide the key. I would cover myself with a suffocating blanket of shame.
And there I would stay. It was my penance.
Until the Lord moved in ways I could never have imagined. He opened my safe. His light shined in all the dark places of my heart. Slowly but surely, the truth about who I was to him replaced the lies I believed. My arms began to swing freely. There was a lightness in my once heavy step. My lowered head was now raised and held high.
The cover has been removed. I had been released.
I was loved.
And once I freed myself from that shame, I saw him for who he was and declared that he would no longer define me.
Have you ever been there? Have you ever found yourself stuck under the weight of shame? Did you wear it like a shackle around your neck? Did you walk with your head down instead of your head up? If so, know that you are not alone. Many of us have traveled this dirt road, and many more will find their way along this path, but the truth is that no matter how long we stay there, the Lord desires to set us free. He wants us to rest in His presence and surrender it all into the tender care of His gracious embrace.
Of courseyou might think. This all sounds great, but you don’t know my story. And you are right, my friend. No. But God does. And He never left you. Not once.
And he never will either.
You are loved
One of the hardest things to understand when I was in this place of shame was that I was loved, just as I was, forever and ever. I could believe that about everyone else, but I just couldn’t believe it was the same for me. I was held captive by lies.
But over time, as I met with trusted friends and advisors and studied God’s Word and the truth about Him and the relationship He longed to have with me, the walls began to crumble. It was a process that required me to be honest with those close to me, myself, and my God.
If you find yourself in this space where you feel unlovable, or if something you have done will prevent you from being fully forgiven and loved by our Lord above, be honest about where you are. Take captive the lies you believe about yourself and submit them to the truth of Scripture.
John 3:16 He said, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” ” And 1 John 4:19 tells us: “We love because he first loved us.”
You are loved, my friend, and nothing can ever change that. You are loved because you belong to Him. It may take time for you to fully accept this truth. Ask the Holy Spirit within to guide you and help you accept the great love that the Lord has for you, His child.
You are a child of God
When my first child was placed in my arms, my heart broke. I looked at this gift from the Lord in my arms, and something inside me changed. I loved him with a fierceness I had never felt before. It was different from anything I had experienced. As I looked at her deep blue eyes and her wrinkled newborn skin, I knew that nothing could ever change the love I felt for her.
And if I felt this way about my child and the other children who would come after, how much more was it with God?
I realized that God loves me not because of who I am or what I accomplish on any given day. He doesn’t love me because of the things I achieve or the way I do things right. His love does not depend on my non-error. No. This love is the love between a Father and His child. Only it is greater because it is sinless love. It is the perfect love of Love Itself.
I am loved because I am his.
1 John 3:1 (NIV) says: See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that’s what we are!
You too are loved not because of what you do or don’t do, but because you are a child of God. Made in his image. As you let this truth settle into your bones, you will realize that the labels you try to wear and the shame you feel do not define you. You are defined by His great love.
You are His child. And nothing can ever change that.
You are forgiven
Just as nothing can change His great love, there is also no unforgivable sin. It doesn’t matter if people sting you or yell at you on street corners. While they throw their stones, God holds you back. There is nothing beyond His grace.
When we are wrapped tightly in our blanket of shame, this can be hard to believe. We wear our labels and cling tightly to the belief that we have gone too far, that we have fallen into a pit with no way out. I know how that feels, because I lived in that space for a long, long time.
Just as I believed God’s love was for everyone, I believed the same was true for His grace. Friend, if you are there, there is grace for that too.
When Jesus took his last breath on the cross, he took everything, including what you locked in your vault. Before you took your first breath, He knew every hair on your head and every freckle on your skin. He also knew everything you would say and everything you would do – and He chose you.
The Creator of the heavens and the earth and the infinite galaxies that fill the entire expanse of the universe created you. And when His Son died on the cross for all, that includes you.
It may be hard to believe, but He loves you so much that He took everything. The price has been paid. I remember years ago, when I was struggling to let go of shame and walk in freedom, someone asked me: What more do you need? Isn’t his death enough? It was like a dagger in my heart. Of course, his death was enough. But was it? Because at that time, I just couldn’t accept that it was for me too. Over time, the Lord placed people on my path who accompanied me through the valley and to the other side. He was patient and tender with me. And He will also be with you. Pray to Him to enable you to believe in the riches of His grace. Pray that He will show you how much He loves you and pray that your heart can understand the truth that your sins are forgiven as far as the east is from the west. (Psalm 103:12)
Ephesians 2:8-9 said: For by grace have ye been saved through faith, and not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast.
It’s a gift. This cannot be won. We can’t take it away.
Ask the Lord to help you walk in this freedom today.
You are freed
One of my favorite verses is Galatians 5:1It is for freedom that Christ has freed us. So stand firm and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.
As someone who has lived under the oppressive weight of shame for so long, I feel this deep in my bones. When we get through this and the chains come off, we will no longer want to be burdened.
I now stand firm in the truth that Christ’s death on the cross paid the price. Now, when labels and lies threaten to take hold, I return to Him and know that I am loved. I ask for forgiveness. I lay it at the foot of the cross and trust that He will take it and I will be renewed.
Friend, you are free. You are forgiven. You are loved. You are a child of God. You are not defined by your past mistakes or your future mistakes. The Lord loves you. As you are. Always and forever – because you belong to Him.
When shame threatens to take hold of you, return to Scripture and its truth. Present Him the truth of who He is and who you are and let that light cover the darkness that wants to take hold of you.
You are not defined by shame.
You are a child of God. Loved by the Creator of the Universe. Saved by the blood of Jesus.
Walk in this freedom. Let your safe open.
Run into his arms and taste the sweetness of his mercy and love.
Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/mapo
Jen Thompson is the Aauthor of Return to Jesus: an invitation to remain with him in every beautiful, stressful or tedious moment.
