Even if you never consider wrestling a toddler before bed, we could all use a little fun dad energy. There’s a reason this stereotype exists: Dads spend a lot of time playing with their children and they tend to enjoy it. In fact, dads report feel happier when interacting with their children than during most other daily activities.
Of course, dads may have more space to play, partly because moms carry more of the mental load of parenting. On average, mothers report being responsible for about 73% of all cognitive work in the household, compared to 27% for their partners, and that’s stress them out.
As we work to rebalance the less fun parts of parenting and running a household, we shouldn’t lose sight of the good things dads do: The game counts. And it is good for adultsAlso.
This Father’s Day, here are five fun habits for dads to adopt.
1. They don’t think much about pleasurePleasure becomes more difficult when we put too much pressure on it. Not every game has to be epic. Fun Dads Recognize Mileage in Small Moments of Play, Like Introducing Your Kids your old LEGO Or pretend to be a monster with your little one while you get ready in the morning.
Adults often think that our leisure time should be productive. What good is a hobby if we don’t develop a marketable skill or make it a side hustle? We end up making pleasure feel like work before it even begins.
Furthermore, passive entertainment requires almost nothing from us. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need when we’re exhausted.
2. They start with action, without feelingAdults often wait until they feel playful before playing. But this distorts the order. Most of us can’t get into a fun mood.
Fun dads often skip the emotional pregame. They just start with a fun moment or turn a chore into a challenge, then see what happens. Feelings can catch up in unexpected ways.
When the writer Derek Thompson Reflecting on his monster play with his toddler, he said, “Nothing in my life could have anticipated this hunter-prey pageantry or the joy I get from it.”
3. They leave room for interruptionsModern adults are already disruptive enough, but often in a bad way. We’re quick to let our phones distract our attention, but we’re annoyed when real people do the same.
But if we don’t want to be interrupted by the people in front of us, we will miss their attempts to communicate with us. Relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman call them “connect offers,” and they found that couples stayed together were much more likely to pursue these offers than couples who ultimately divorced.
Being disruptible means releasing our grip on our tasks and plans so that there is enough space for real people to enter.
4. They get out of manager modeManager mode has its place. This helps feed the kids, pay the bills, and keep the family on schedule. But the game functions more like an improvisation. You have to be curious and adaptive because you can’t plan everything in advance. You have to pay attention to what emerges and then build from there.
This can sometimes feel uncomfortable because it requires us to give up some of our control. Fun dads are able to immerse themselves in any game, prank, or adventure their kids invite them to, and they’re willing to look silly and make mistakes while doing it.
5. They see joy as part of the problem We often view gaming as a break from life. In a sense, it is. Play helps us recover from the demands of work and caregiving by reduce stress and increase resilience.
But joy and human connection are essential elements of a flourishing life. They give us something we can’t get with more work. As a novelist Michael Charcoal say it, “[My] books, unlike my children, do not love me back.”
This isn’t to say that fun dads free themselves from the difficult aspects of parenting. They also have to share the hard work. Fun dads, at their best, don’t avoid serious parenting. They are having fun because they take it seriously.
They understand something that many overworked adults forget: a good life involves work and responsibility. It also includes living room wrestling matches, silly stories, and ordinary moments to show the people we love that we appreciate them.
Just ZamzowPhD, is an assistant professor of health care ethics at Concordia University Irvine, a writer, and the mother of two young boys. You can find subscribe to its newsletter “A life well lived“Funding for this project was provided in part by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, as part of its Spreading Love Through the Media initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.
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