5 Tips for Maintaining Healthy Independence in Marriage

I once met a man who told me that his wife had trust issues. His struggle to trust had absolutely nothing to do with their marriage, but was introduced into their relationship through past trauma.

This man traveled regularly for work. During his trip, he made it a point to watch over his wife throughout the day. He admitted that he didn't call her because he felt lonely or because he necessarily missed her. He called because he knew it would bring him peace.

He did everything he could to calm his wife's spirit. He knew confidence was his area of ​​struggle, so he went above and beyond "because he could".

Hearing this man's story reminded me of Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another…” This man went the extra mile for his wife. He created strength in an area where it was weak and struggling.

With respect to our own individual independence, we might consider doing the same.

Marriage isn't meant to be a hindrance, it's a gift.

Through dedication and mutual submission, we can help our partner grow or develop strength in the areas in which they struggle. We have the power to lead through acts of devotion. Devotional acts can help put our partners at ease; they can allow us to relax and rest in our relationships.

Feeling peaceful in our relationship can also allow us to extend trust to our partners, the more trust there is, the more space there is for independence.

Finally, when considering our own personal freedoms and those of our spouses, it may be helpful to consider who our spouse was before we married them. Remember that not everything our spouse appreciates will necessarily be something we appreciate.

A good example: my husband still likes to play basketball and I'm still not very interested in basketball.

Does that mean my husband should throw in the towel and quit gambling? Of course not! He's an individual and I have to honor his individuality.

Honoring who he is is giving him the freedom to play basketball…but maybe freedom within limits, because playing basketball until 2am is for singles! In the end, remember to lead with confidence.

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