6 ways to break free from people pleasers

Who or what determines your schedule the most? How many items have landed on your to-do list that God never assigned, and what could your day and stress level look like if you had the courage to only say yes under God's direction?

If you're one of the millions of Americans who struggle with an unhealthy desire to please others, you've let insecurity and fear hijack your agenda. Some people fear that refusing their friend's invitation or request for help will lead to conflict and a weakened relationship. Others worry that talking openly with their boss will cost them a future promotion, a raise, or their job. Then there are those who accept every volunteer opportunity in order to earn the admiration and respect of others.

But whenever we prioritize the opinions of others over those of God, we ultimately lose because our life-giving God always leads us to his best.

Here are 6 ways to no longer please people:

1. Recognize how much people's pleasure costs

Anxiety, however provoked, can test our ability to think clearly. We can become so obsessed with everything we hope to avoid, whether it's rejection or job loss, that we don't stop to assess the negative impact our fears are having on our sleep, peace, and productivity.

And here's the irony. It is often our fear of harming or losing a relationship that fuels people the most. Yet such actions often lead to superficial relationships and a loss of trust. Our words begin to lack credibility as others become attentive to our tendency to tell them everything we think they want to hear. We will also likely experience greater isolation as we only feel loved and accepted to the extent that we feel known.

Our behavior can also have a negative impact on others, as we often sacrifice our time and commitments with those we feel most comfortable with in order to free up space in our calendars for those with whom we feel less able to set boundaries. We might expect our loved ones to alleviate our added stress by taking on one of our normal tasks. In this, we are essentially asking them to pay the consequences of our weakness.

Whatever the intention, our actions indicate, "I care more about other people's opinions of me than you and your time." This can lead to resentment, bitterness, and increased dysfunction in all of our relationships, in part because our actions show that we care more about others' opinions of us than our loved ones or their time. /p> 2. Increase trust in God

Most, if not all, of our fears and desires stem from our God-given physical and emotional needs. We fear rejection and ostracism because God has wired us for deep, fulfilling connection; give and receive love. Likewise, we might seek success or respect because of a misplaced sense of worth or a desire for importance.

Once we recognize the God-given need that fuels our fears and directs our behavior, we are more likely to look to Him for those needs to be met. We can also trust our faithful and loving Father to give us everything we need. That doesn't necessarily mean he'll seal that promotion we're so afraid of losing or keep the friend we fear of displeasing from walking away. It does mean, however, that He will provide for us in the way He knows is best.

Before his death, Jesus promised his followers, including you and me, a deeply satisfying life characterized by joy, purpose and peace. He demonstrated how much he appreciates our profound freedom and fulfillment when he died on the cross and proved his power to keep his word when he rose from the dead.

3. Clarify your God-given mission

Scripture tells us of a time, shortly after the risen Christ's return to the Father, when His Church experienced expansive growth. It was a glorious and magnificent outpouring of God's grace worthy of celebration. And yet, if you have ever served in the ministry, you can probably imagine the strain this put on the disciples. This was especially true when it came to caring for the poor and financially vulnerable.

In Acts 6:1-4 we read: "In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebrew Jews because their widows were neglected in the distribution daily. of food. Then the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right if we neglected the ministry of the word of God to serve tables. Brothers and sisters, choose among yourselves seven men known to be filled with the Spirit and wisdom. We will entrust this responsibility to...