6 Ways You're Hurting Your Husband Without Knowing It

Let's face it, men and women are as different as chalk and cheese. What motivates you as a wife may be the very thing that makes your husband's skin crawl. It's likely that your emotional needs seem weird to your spouse and vice versa. Your job then is to seek to understand what's floating on your spouse's boat - to learn their love language and speak it fluently.

In his book His Needs, Her Needs Willard F. Harley, Jr. argues that the inability to meet another's emotional needs stems from ignoring those needs, not from a selfish reluctance to be considerate. This means that unless you have intentionally studied and questioned your spouse, you are bound to act in a way that irritates them without realizing it. As a wife, here are six ways to hurt your husband without knowing it.

1. Criticize and mother him

As a wife, perhaps you enjoy your role as mother hen to a T. You bask in the privilege of ruling the roost. But. Do you envelop your husband with your children when giving directions? Do you often redirect, criticize, correct, disapprove, and even oppose your husband? Many women fall into the trap of mothering their husbands. They always poke holes in the opinions and actions of their husbands and seek to steer them in a different direction.

It makes their husbands feel belittled, despised and controlled. It can also shake their self-esteem, damage confidence, and make them bitter and angry. Mothering your husband also causes him to become defensive and withdraw into his shell. That doesn't mean, however, that you can't have a different opinion than your husband. In marriage, conflicts and personality differences are guaranteed. But when you express your opinion, do so with respect and avoid attacking your husband's character. Avoid sounding like his mother or as if you caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.

2. Give her the silent treatment

Joe burst into the living room, broke down to the skin, and felt awful for being late. His wife was nowhere in sight, so he ran upstairs to their bedroom and found her curled up in bed, reading a book. His attempt to greet her and strike up a conversation with her went off the rails. She didn't want to talk to him, much less look in his direction. He left dejected, wondering what he had done wrong (besides coming home late).

It's not uncommon for wives to treat their husbands silently when they're upset about something. This however is toxic, abusive and unhealthy for any relationship. It takes two to tango, and it's unfair to leave your husband fumbling around in the dark, unaware of his mistakes. Remember that your husband is not a mind reader, and unless you communicate effectively, he cannot decode your frustration.

Psychologists say that people who use silent processing aim to exert control over the other party in order to manipulate them. When you treat your husband silently, he feels confused, frustrated, rejected, and hurt. You make them feel like you don't care about the health of your marriage, and it's up to them to pick up the pieces (albeit blindly). Giving the silent treatment also means you are rejecting proper communication without which a marriage cannot thrive.

The scriptures are full of warnings for good communication in relationships. In Amos 3:3 we read that two people cannot walk together unless they agree. This means that communication is the backbone of successful relationships. Additionally, Paul urged the church in Ephesus not to let the sun go down on their anger (Ephesians 4:26). This means that they had to quickly resolve quarrels and scuffles between themselves.

Paul also instructed believers to seek peace with all (Hebrews 12:14). Honestly, we often want to make amends with everyone but our spouses. We want to hold a grudge against our spouses, yet they are the most important people in our lives. If, as a wife, you like to give your husband the silent treatment, choose to heed God's instructions and embrace communication.

3. Showing disinterest in sexual intimacy

Let's face it; sex is a big deal for most men. It figures prominently among their needs. On the other hand, most women need to feel emotionally connected to their husband before they can think about intimacy. They need to feel affection and love first. Sex then becomes their way of expressing the deep connection they feel.

If a couple has not learned to meet each other's basic needs, there is usually an imbalance when it comes to sex. The woman can o...