7 Clever Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Say Over And Over, And Why

Personally, I'm more likely to do things if they're easy. That's why I'm a big fan of the simplest emotional intelligence improvement idea I've ever come across: memorizing specific words and phrases that tap into emotions in a positive way to increase your chances of success. achieve your goals.

Over time these phrases become second nature, you begin to understand why they work.

It's a bit like a foreign language phonetically, only to find after using them for a while that you better understand what they actually mean and how to spell them.

Enough preamble, let's dive in. Here are seven smart, simple, and specific things that people with high emotional intelligence learn to say reflexively over and over again.

1. "Let's figure out why."

"Why" is a magic word. It's like a linguistic can opener that frees motivations and separates emotion from objectivity.

"Why are we all competing to buy the same product?" "Why am I working so hard on this particular project? » "Why am I so quick to respond when this demanding customer asks me something?" » "Why do I still work late nights and weekends, when my family prefers me to be home?" "Why is the person in this car yelling at me?"

People who challenge themselves to ask themselves this question again and again, both silently (to themselves) and out loud, are more likely to find the things they are emotionally motivated to achieve and avoid the ones they don't.

And when they see unhealthy emotions acting as driving forces, they may look elsewhere.

2. "Thank you." (Also "please" and "you're welcome".)

Politeness costs nothing. But people with high emotional intelligence understand that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness in life, which can only make people feel good about those who express it to them.

Bonus Point #1: Find opportunities to end conversations with sincere, non-controversial expressions of thanks. (The emphasis is on "non-controversial". Things like "Thank you for taking the time to speak", as opposed to "Thank you for sharing my point of view".) Bonus Point #2: Saying "you're welcome," instead of more dismissive expressions like "no problem," acknowledges that you've done something for someone else who deserves gratitude. It is a trigger for positive reactions in others.

These are such short sentences, and we use them all the time. But emotionally intelligent people do it intentionally; participate in conversations looking for an opportunity to repeat them, as they learn how powerful they can be.

3. "No, thank you."

Yes, I listed this one next because it's apparently the opposite of the previous sentence. But, good fences make good neighbors, and healthy boundaries create healthy relationships.

In short, people with high emotional intelligence understand that saying "no" when offered something they don't really want, whether it's a business opportunity, an invitation, or a flyer on the street, is a mark of respect. To other people.

It says that you respect your time and that you will also respect the time of others.

Note how this connects to the very first sentence in this list, above; you need to challenge yourself to ask "why" enough times to understand the things you should politely say "no, thanks" to.

4. "Can I see if I understand?"

There's a lot of power in those six words, and emotionally intelligent people understand why.

First of all, no matter what happens after that sentence, you have signaled to someone else that you care trying to figure out where they are coming from. You don't assume you understand them and you don't ignore them. You make efforts. Second, the fact that it's phrased as a question? Chef's kiss. There is emotional power in asking for such permission, and it likely gives you leeway as you articulate your understanding. Finally, it is powerful because if you ask to understand, you say nothing...