8 Signs You May Be Dating A Narcissist

I started a ministry for single mothers nearly two decades ago and have had the privilege of speaking to thousands of single mothers across the United States- United. Over the years I've conducted many Q&A's and of course the regular questions about sex, dating, loneliness and future friends come up often. But I've recently been struck by the number of conversations where the term "narcissist" has cropped up. So I started to do a little research. Indeed, narcissism appears to be on the rise – or at least is charted as such. According to the National Institutes of Health, modern Western societies are experiencing a pandemic of narcissism that has risen from 12% in 1963 to 77% in 1992 among adolescents. In its simplest interpretation, a 2021 Ohio State University study defined narcissism as "authorized self-importance." But why this increase?

Could it be the helicopter of the 1980s and 1990s, where children perceived that their parents' world revolved only around them, turned against them ? Could it be the increased pressure from social media and the promotion of famous Instagrams, YouTubers, likes, clicks and followers that have finally caught up with us? Could it be that "die to yourself" and "take up your cross and follow me" are dead and the world is laying down its crosses and taking back its ego? I have no doubt that the more the world will migrate to the culture of all things, New Age, paganism, self-worship and truth as only "your truth" and not the undeniable truth of the Creator of heaven and land, we will see this trend continue.

So how do you identify if you're dating a narcissist? Here are eight clues. While no advice exclusively indicates that you are dating a narcissist, a combination of these would be a clue!

1. Narcissists are obsessed with success.

Their importance is defined by their accomplishments. How quickly they move up the corporate ladder or get social media followers or reach their goal is important to them. They will likely list their summary of accomplishments early in the relationship in hopes of impressing you. They may cite their resume of accomplishments in social contexts, mistakenly thinking their value is tied to their resume.

2. Narcissists want to be admired for their attractiveness.

While caring about your appearance is certainly not an outright sign of narcissism, obsession can be. Clothes, hair, and how others perceive their attractiveness are of paramount importance. It is important that they perceive themselves as the most attractive in a room. It is not uncommon for designer cars, high-end clothing, jewelry, etc. are particularly important to complete their "look".

3. Narcissists want to be seen as heroes.

First impressions will produce immense kindness, good manners, and chivalry. They are often charismatic and popular with the general public, as many will not discern their true character. They want to be seen as "saviors" rushing to make your life easier. They'll say things like, "I can't believe anyone has treated you like this before." However, this hero persona is short-lived, and manipulation usually kicks in quickly after that. (Note: The problem is that many are absorbed in the heroism of the beginning and don't see the tide changing!)

4. Narcissists want to be validated and needed.

They fish for compliments and need recognition for their work. They want you to know when they've washed your car, helped the old lady across the street, or volunteered at the soup kitchen. They will keep track of their service to you or others and will likely talk about it again. It is particularly significant that they are needed. When the car breaks down and leaves you on the side of the road, that's great merit for the narcissist, as it fuels their need for rescue, further reinforcing that you can't live without them. But for them, you would not survive.

5. Narcissists hold grudges.

The Word teaches us that love keeps no record of wrongs (I Corinthians 13:5), but they do. They remember what you did and said. And they will try to get you back for it. They want you to pay. They strategize to do so and can sit on revenge for quite some time. But do not get me wrong; they have not forgotten. Forgiveness is difficult for them. They want someone to pay for their pain and hardship.

6. Narcissists want power and control.

It's obvious. They want to be in charge and will go out of their way to do so. It is much more difficult for them to keep up with others. They want to control their environment (and yours) and this can manifest as an obsession with cleanliness, speed, or organization. They tend to overreact when they're out of control or things haven't gone the way they used to.