Sound biblical advice for dealing with conflict

Some people deal with conflict by getting angry, or "volcanic", which ignores the consequences. Although it can be temporarily pleasant to give in to the expression of anger, it is a disaster in the resolution of conflicts. And yes, it's not a biblical answer to conflict management either.

"'Be angry and do not sin': do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give way to the devil. Let him who has stolen steal no more, but rather work, working with his hands that which is good, that he may have something to give to those in need.Let no corrupt word come out of thy mouth, but that which is good for necessary edification, that he may may give grace to the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, wrath, outcry and backbiting be taken away from you, with all and be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, as God has forgiven you in Christ” (Ephesians 4:26-32).

The scriptures tell us categorically that the volcanic approach - losing self-control and unleashing your best shot on another person - has some pretty painful consequences; you can win the fight, but lose the friend. And perhaps even more damaging than the potential for broken relationships and a tainted Christian testimony, is the fact that the volcanic method gives the devil a foothold in your life. This allows the enemy to steal your inheritance in Christ, including health, wealth, joy, peace, and family harmony.

A close cousin of the volcanic approach is the missile approach, which ignores the power of hurtful words. Words spoken hastily in a moment of conflict can become weapons of mass destruction in our lives: accusations, deceit, slander, manipulation, betrayal, even gossip.

"The tongue is a little thing that speaks big words. But a little spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your whole body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself" (James 3:5-6).

None of these approaches to conflict management honors God. Instead, God's Word teaches that we should seek peace!

"Fools start fights everywhere; wise men try to keep the peace" (Proverbs 29:8, LB).

"Try to live in peace with everyone; work hard at it" (Psalm 34:14, LB).

Seeking peace is not about avoiding the issue causing the conflict, or simply placating others in an effort to keep the peace. Appeasement only breeds resentment, which eventually escalates into even greater conflict - and can give you an extra ulcer.

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