How to deal with noisy neighbors? We ask an expert

During the pandemic, complaints about loud neighbors skyrocketed. Now, as the government is keen to prove it is tough on anti-social behaviour, there are plans to give the police more powers to settle disputes. However, councils and courts are increasingly favoring a less drastic solution: mediation. I asked Dr Mike Talbot, CEO of UK Mediation, how it worked.

In 2020 there were 16,000 disputes in mediation, including disputes over neighbors. Why do so many arguments end there? I would say the opposite: not enough! Too quickly, people start a world war. Mediation helps people have a conversation. They have to want to participate. And it has to be things they can control: crafts, pets, cooking smells, playing guitar at 2 a.m.

What are the things people can't control? Raising children. Saying "They're screaming at their children" is red flag for a bull. Or in apartments saying: "I hear everything". Well, the wall is as thick as it is. If it's a normal noise, sorry, but that's how it is.

I'm so glad to hear you say that. I once had a neighbor knock on the ceiling for anything: dropping a teaspoon, closing the oven door. He was so present, it was as if he lived with me. Anyway, before this interview turns into advice, what are the current noise rules? It's about being reasonable. A case was mediated: an upscale ground-floor apartment complained about upstairs neighbors moving. Upstairs they already laid carpets, they didn't put the washing machine on after 9pm and if the kids came they only played in the carpeted room. He went to court.

Justice for the first floor apartment! It turned out that it was the noise from the walk upstairs that bothered them. The judge applied the reasonableness test and said, "They can't hover above the ground, so deal with it."

Everything is so useless. And expensive. In court, often it is no longer an argument over, say, the £60 broken fence, but the £20,000 fee, when there are community mediation services which are free. Mediation brings people to a place where everyone is a winner, not the adversary win-lose…

…where the only winner is the lawyer. About half of Britons do not know the name of their neighbour. Is it a factor? You definitely don't want your first conversation to be when there's a problem. But it can be a personality thing – how tolerant someone is. Also the story. If someone has ever had an argument, they think, “I'll be ready this time. The smallest thing becomes huge.

If anyone reading this has a noise problem, what should they do?Choose a time and place to talk - don't don't get mad at 2am. Neutral soil is good, so rely on the garden fence. Listen first. You might say, “I noticed you had friends and it was getting late. Were you partying? Listen to what they say, then get your message across. Maybe: "Good to hear it was your cousin's wedding. I hope you had a good time. From my perspective, it was quite late - I had to get up at six o'clock. Talk about the future, don't discuss the past: "Can I ask you in the future not to do it after 11 p.m.?" And when things get better, acknowledge it. Put your head over the fence and say, "I noticed people were round and you cut it down. I appreciate that. Here, have a salad."