I've been dating the same group of men for 36 years - here's what they taught me

In 1986, at the age of 32 and pursuing a career as a statistician in Cambridge, I saw a notice in the window of a local health food store, announcing a meeting opened by a "group of men". The review caught my attention because, to be honest, I struggled to be a man. I had recently separated from my wife after eight years together and our marriage counseling had shown in an uncomfortable way that my upbringing, while supportive, had not taught me how to express my feelings, or even know what they were. . We didn't argue, as I avoided any confrontation, dreading the late-night remark - "We should talk." But I didn't know how to speak and/or how to listen.

I had become acutely aware of how I was like a creature inside his protective shell, and that I had to do something to prevent history from repeating itself in the future. A good (female) friend suggested that I needed male company, but I was suspicious. I had no close male friends to confide in, and most of my male conversations had been in the pub and consisted of opinions about "things" - my job (which I really liked), the politics, sports, music, TV - often in competitive banter, each trying to improve on the previous story.

Marriage counseling had shown me another way to communicate - to be listened to by the counselor, without judgment, or the need to negotiate the complexities of an emotional attachment. I wanted to be able to pursue this, and not just as a “client” of a professional. So when I spotted the ad, I overcame my immediate skepticism, gathered my courage and called the number.

We met met a week later in a bright and shiny space of a general practitioner empty premises for the weekend: three men attracted by the advertisement and five already in the group. We were between 30 and 50 years old. I was immediately impressed that there was a nursery for some of the men's children, and as they took part in a series of presentations, focusing on personal lives rather than our jobs.

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