Taken a lot? Now Antonio Conte issues 'threats' after 'mass brawl'

We all enjoyed Tuchel vs. Conte on Sunday, but let's not pretend they 'came to blows' or that Conte took to Instagram to 'threaten' Tuchel…

They think it's a brawl about 'LONDON BRAWLING' is a nice title, but it rather suggests a 'brawl', which absolutely didn't happen in Chelsea v Tottenham, no matter what. how hard we try to inflate the stupidity between some rather angry men.

The Sun is more than happy to fan those flames, claiming that "Conte and Tuchel first came to blows" (they didn't) and twice referring to a "fight massive". Mediawatch isn't sure of the correct etymology here, but we're pretty confident that a "mass brawl" must include actual fights. Not just fingers and very long and painful handshakes.

Cluedo When Thomas Tuchel wouldn't refuse to let go of Antonio Conte's hand in what certainly wasn't a fight but could well have been a misguided romantic move, he apparently revealed his plans for reported target Chelsea , Frankie de Jong. Mediawatch can't help but think it should have focused on the game instead, but the Mirror is right there with the story:

"Instructions heard by Thomas Tuchel in midfield offer clue to Frenkie de Jong's plan"

Did he shout 'be more De Jong' at Jorginho? Was N'Golo Kante told to "be more Dutch, asshole"?

Well no, of course not. This is just bullshit.

“For much of the first half, Thomas Tuchel was seen bellowing tactical instructions to Jorginho – the central midfielder closest to him on the touchline – and N'Golo Kante, who was about within earshot on the other side of the field.

"The Chelsea boss was far from happy with Jorginho's positioning, repeatedly asking the 30-year-old to go wide to help score Dejan Kulusevski, while Kante's distribution also frustrated the German."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, "offers a clue to Frenkie de Jong's plan".

Hmmm. What it actually offers is a clue to how desperate some outlets are for clicks.

I was kidding, my dear… In the meantime…

'Tripping you would have been well deserved' - Conte escalates Tuchel feud wishing he had TRIGGERED it at Chelsea v Spurs'

Oh it's a "quarrel" now. A “prolonged and bitter quarrel or argument” that lasted literally hours.

‘ANTONIO CONTE continued his feud with Thomas Tuchel long after the two bosses returned home after the Battle of the Bridge 2.0.

"The Italian took to social media joking that he should have TRIPPED Tuchel as the Chelsea gaffer celebrated his team's second goal."

So The Sun absolutely knows it was a joke. Because it was a fucking joke. It doesn't matter how many CAPS they use.

Give me strengthWhere we lead…

'Conte vs Tuchel: Spurs manager hits out at Chelsea boss on Instagram after clash'

Do you remember the jokes? GiveMeSport does not.

Intent to Harm And then there's the Daily Star website. Now this “quarrel” has become, well…

"Antonio Conte continues the war of words with Thomas Tuchel after the Instagram threat"

A "threat"? A real "threat". FFS.

"Antonio Conte swiped Thomas Tuchel on Instagram after their heated clash on the touchline in the thrilling 2-2 draw between Chelsea and Tottenham at Stamford Bridge on Sunday."

He "took a hit"! With laughing face emojis. The sick bastard.

"The Italian posted a clip of Tuchel sprinting past him on the touchline following Chelsea's second goal, insisting he wished he had tripped the German."

Are "insist" and "joke" now synonymous?

""Lucky I didn't see you, tripping you would have been well deserved," Conte wrote, along with three laughing face emojis.

Yes. It certainly sounds like "an expression of intent to inflict harm, injury, or damage".

The sky is not the limit

Shock horror It's been two weeks since news first emerged that Manchester United (and Chelsea) were interested in Jamie Vardy. So of course…

“Manchester United” are considering a shock move for 35-year-old Jamie Vardy “after ending their pursuit of Marko Arnautovic due to fan backlash… as Erik ten Hag hopes...