How to talk about sex with your partner

Some couples prefer to divorce rather than talk openly about their intimate lives.

As As a journalist who covers sex and intimacy, I spend a lot of time listening to experts extol the virtues of open and honest communication. To have good sex – and continue to have good sex over time – couples need to be willing to talk about it, they say.

But some people prefer leave their relationship rather than have these conversations, said Jeffrey Chernin, marriage and family therapist and author of "Achieving Intimacy: How to Have a Romantic Relationship That Lasts" — especially if things in the bedroom aren't going particularly well .

"One of the things I often say to couples who are struggling is, 'I wish there was another way to get through this,'" did he declare. "But the only way I know to have a better sex life, or to get your sex life back, is to talk about it."

Dr. Chernin acknowledged how stressful these conversations can be, sometimes escalating into finger-pointing, belittling or stonewalling. That said, these suggestions may help.

It's common for partners to have difficulty talking about intimacy and desire. Research suggests that even in long-term relationships, people only know about 60% of what their partner likes sexually, and only about 25% of what they don't like.

Cyndi Darnell, a sex and relationships therapist in New York, said her patients often tell her that talking about sex is "awkward" — which is especially true "if you've spent months or years of avoiding it,” she said.< /p>

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