Opposites attract until they butt heads

When my husband and I were dating, I was completely captivated just watching and listening to him. He was witty, daring, daring and very convincing. He had monstrous dreams and was a hard worker. His sense of humor was the icing on the cake for me. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man who made me laugh so easily. He had a multitude of traits that got me hooked.

And while it was obvious to me that his personality was in many ways different from mine, it didn't bother me at all. In fact, it only made me feel more drawn to him, if only to savor and benefit from the traits I lacked. The adage that opposites attract has proven true for me. In the first two years of our marriage, the same traits that had drawn me to him like a magnet seemed to turn into points of irritation.

It suddenly irked me that he was a social butterfly, pushing me around in public spaces, while the introvert in me preferred to be holed up at home. I began to frown at the fact that he was a risk taker, making bold decisions for our new family, when I would have preferred to take my time to carefully watch for pitfalls. His spontaneity also began to annoy me. For example, he called our friends on the spur of the moment and invited them to lunch or dinner. For my part, I preferred an organized planning with regard to the reception of the guests.

Needless to say, we spent a lot of time in conflict because of our differences. We were both frustrated with frustration and wondering how to find harmony. Fortunately, we managed to break out of the rut of resentment and figure out how to live with our differences. Here are some helpful tips if you are in the midst of a conflicting season in your marriage.

1. Stop trying to change your spouse.

There's a wacky joke that love is blind, but marriage is a revelation. The differences you spotted and probably imagined in your partner while dating and dating tend to be magnified in marriage. This is mainly because you are now with your partner 24 hours a day. You no longer need to separate after a coffee or lunch date. You now go home together and wake up together the next day. You are at the forefront of their lives and you know their strengths and weaknesses well.

One of the injustices you can inflict on your spouse is to try to change them. This is downright unfair and selfish. Moreover, it is almost impossible to change an adult. Only God can redirect the heart of a man or a woman. Jeremiah observed that the heart is above all else deceitful and extremely wicked, and no one can know that. It is the Lord who searches the heart and tests the spirit (Jeremiah 17:9-10).

Only God can tear out a heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). Harassing your partner and forcing them to change will only breed resentment in your marriage. Your partner will feel condemned and rejected. They signed up for acceptance and unconditional love and won't let up if you give them otherwise. However, that doesn't mean you can't challenge your spouse to adopt healthier behaviors. By all means, respectfully let your partner know where they could be and do better. But give up harassing them and manipulating them into changing.

2. Put up with each other's weaknesses.

“We who are strong must therefore put up with the scruples of the weak and not please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please himself, but as it is written: "The insults of those who insulted you have fallen on me." - Romans 15:1-2

What is your attitude towards what you see as your spouse's weaknesses? Do they annoy you and make you say or do things you'll regret later? Paul teaches us a more excellent way regarding the weaknesses of others. We have to put up with each other's weaknesses - not please each other. This means that when one of your spouse's weaknesses shows up, it's time to please them and not yourself.

That means it's not time to scold, scold, or berate them. On the contrary, it is time to extend the unconditional love of Christ. Love that is patient and kind. The love that does not envy, does not boast or is not proud. Love that does not dishonor others is not selfish, does not get angry easily, and does not keep track of wrongs. Love does not rejoice in evil but rejoices in truth. The love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. (