Podcast Ep. 264: Let's talk about the real reasons behind the affairs

Stuff has been my most requested topic this year, so in this week's episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I explore the real reasons why people have stuff. What many of us do is fall into the trap of assuming that a partner or spouse wasn't "enough" or that there was something "wrong" in the relationship. I explain why business is the result of problem solving and why business highlights not only unmet needs, but also unrealistic attitudes towards meeting needs.

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5 key topics in this episode The person who cheats looks for external solutions to an internal problem. "Internal" means something happening within themselves, in the relationship, or in their life (e.g. work issues, bereavement, family illness). When they encounter uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and situations and want to avoid them; or when they feel, think, or experience certain things that build as a trigger to avoid intimacy, act out, or feel trapped, an affair is used to numb or provide a stalk. Before an affair occurs, there is a thought process in the preceding days, weeks or months that makes the person open to this possibility. It will be triggered by an event. It doesn't have to be something big on its own, but it sows a seed. Some people have an affair and that's an anomaly. Others have an affair as a way out of their relationship. Some people cheat and that's the start of an affair or maybe a series of them. There are people who have a business pattern, but they have managed to conceal that aspect of their relationship history. And there are people who have affairs because they never stopped dating. Some of the unrealistic attitudes behind business include: Seeing a partner as their only source of happiness or believing that their partner is responsible for their happiness. If they don't feel happy in themselves, they blame their partner and their relationship. Thinking that they are responsible for meeting their partner's needs to the exclusion of themselves. And they inevitably end up feeling overwhelmed, neglected, and resentful. Viewing intimacy and normalcy as signs of boredom. Feeling neglected when a partner meets their own needs. Expecting a partner to always be happy or to always be together. And when they're not, it becomes They failed to be the person I expect and need them to be. Business is ultimately a form of passive aggression. They are ways to express underlying and often unknown feelings of frustration and resentment through obstructive and resistant behavior. Mentioned Links + Recommended Resources

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