Podcast Ep. 271: We need to stop hurting each other with mindless politeness and toxic professionalism

How often will you say or do something and then hold back for fear of being rude or unprofessional? How often do you find yourself playing nice and trying to avoid confrontation for as long as possible before finally asserting yourself? In this week's episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I explain mindless politeness and toxic professionalism.

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5 key topics in this episode Although in some cases we are polite and professional in that we are respectful and considerate of others and respect, for example, work boundaries that allow us to maintain healthy work values ​​and attitudes, this is often not what we are doing. Instead, our idea of ​​being "polite" and "professional" is shorthand for silencing needs, wants, expectations, feelings, and opinions. They're a shortcut to being compliant even when it's dangerous and to avoiding anything we don't want to deal with. Social masks separate a person from his personality. We have trouble deciphering our limits and what's going on in a situation because we're too busy trying to maintain an image of politeness and professionalism. We already have a tendency to make others authorities and fear getting into trouble. We grew up in the age of obedience which taught us to be compliant and to make people into authorities. So in a situation where we have to question something or we know it's wrong, we won't. We will be afraid, for example, of appearing to go over their heads or lacking in work ethic. We need to stop calling repeated, habitual, and chronic self-denial and neglect “politeness” and “professionalism.” They are not. To acknowledge and say no to mindless politeness and toxic professionalism is to have healthier boundaries. It's about acknowledging where we operate on old programming instead of an honest, assertive preference. Spot our senseless politeness and toxic professionalism To shut up Delay expression. It's almost as if it had to be acute or urgent. Rules and "shoulds", including doing things from a place of obligation even when you don't need to Minimization Being very uncomfortable with something but holding on suck it Fear of having boundaries or being assertive for fear of appearing rude, difficult, mean, overly sensitive, etc. Be obedient and compliant despite the problems it causes you Hide who you are to respect conventions Fear of embarrassing others Fear of hurting feelings Drop clues At the most. For instance. burnout, tipped over, losing temper And, of course, people-enjoyment, perfectionism, generosity, overthinking and over-responsibility Mentioned Links + Recommended Resources The Joy of Saying No was released on January 10, 2023 in hardcover, audio and ebook formats. Bookshop.org (US)