Practice the "Just because" principle. And overcome your social awkwardness

One ​​of the biggest unsung martyrs of the move to the WFH is the "work friend".

These were truly unique friendships from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., with lunchtime gossip, impromptu coffee breaks, and comforting shoulders to lean on when things — and the workload - become difficult.

Now it might seem a bit awkward to reach out. Is a Zoom call too heavy? Is a loose message too casual? Our human need to belong is counterbalanced by our (equally human) fear of rejection. Maybe more than wanting to connect, we don't want to be boring.

Fortunately, science tells us otherwise.

The surprise factor

According to the latest research on this exact topic, it turns out that we actually underestimate how much our friends or colleagues would appreciate us contacting them.

It's about knowing where our attention is directed. When we write a message to a "long lost" friend, we focus more on the skill we are meeting and less on how positively they will be surprised to receive our message.

That makes us underestimate how much they'll like it.

On the other hand, because the message is unexpected, they are more focused on their feelings of surprise (and your warmth) after receiving your message.

It makes them like it more.

The “just because” principle

We tend to want to wait for a reason to contact us. But relevant reasons usually appear when we occupy a reality similar to others.

Because someone is a "long lost" friend, we simply no longer share similar realities with that person. If you wait for common ground, you will wait a long time.

The good thing is that you really don't need it. Science tells us that the appreciation others have of reaching out to us can result from meeting a "minimum criterion". Basically, all it takes is a check-in gesture, a simple "I'm thinking of you".

When we reach out to others, we become more socially confident, less anxious, more empathetic, and our immune systems even become stronger. And when we receive an unexpected positive message, our brain is flooded with feel-good dopamine, improving our mood, attention, and well-being.

Not to mention that reminiscing about the good old days makes us feel less alone. Nostalgia research tells us that talking about the past with nostalgia also makes us more ambitious and optimistic about our future.

So the next time you're debating why you should reach out to someone, think: just because.

What you can do now

"Thinking of you."

"It's been a while. Want a coffee? How's Thursday?"

"Remember that time..."

"I miss you"