Questions that create possibilities

When you touch a solid wall of a difference of opinion with someone, it's very easy to fall back into old habits and ways of trying to get your point across that haven't worked in the past.

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You could…

–Spit out lots of words and reasons why the other person should agree with you…

–Be defensive, speak a little louder, point fingers or cross your arms in front of you…

– Make it seem like your voice is the only one and if the other person isn't listening, they'll be sorry...

–Give up because you feel like you can never win, so why try.

And of course the other person has their own repeated patterns of making their point and trying to get you to understand why their way is the only way.

When these two patterns collide, it usually results in defensiveness, withdrawal, and perhaps shouting to be heard, but it never works.

Creating something different starts with awareness.

If you see your pattern and want to change it and open the discussion, here are some questions that create possibilities instead of falling into your habits…

1. "Can you tell me more?"

If you don't understand or have realized that you've been making assumptions about what another person did or said, this is an opportunity to pause, stop your usual response, and ask for more information.

2. "Why does this approach interest you?"

It's easy to judge someone when their opinion is not the same as yours. Pausing to move from judgment to genuine curiosity and asking this or a similar question opens the door to communication rather than drama.

3. "What can I learn from you or this situation?"

You may ask yourself this question when you notice that you have been triggered. If you pause to reflect on the answer that will come from within, you will gain insight into understanding the dynamics taking place and a way to communicate that will open you both up.

We have both learned a lot from each other over the years, especially when it comes to managing finances and being open to listening to how the other do something.

It's the beauty of two people doing something together...

We are all different and those differences are the juice that can enrich our lives if we let them.

These are not magic questions.

But paired with an honest and loving intention to connect, it can pave the way for resolving differences and communicating on a deeper level.

If you have a question about facilitating communication in a relationship, contact us here…