The British siesta: How Peter Andre tried to put the UK to bed

Duration: 20 minutes is ideal.

Age: 2000 years old minimum: "siesta" comes from the Roman " sexta hora".

Don't tell me; we're talking about a new summer sleep feel-good show hosted by Phillip Schofield and Fearne Cotton, where sleepy Brits compete to win an absurdly expensive bed? No, we're talking about a radio interview with Peter Andre who, presumably drawing on his Greek Cypriot heritage, tried to persuade the government to make siestas part of British working life.

But we're already taking a nap. What is the difference? Siestas are sexier, all the linen curtains billow softly and the cicadas sing. A nap is what you make a toddler do after he throws a fish finger at you.

But we're still talking about a short sleep after the lunch, right? Yes. André's argument is that napping improves productivity. Science agrees: Research shows that naps improve reaction time and reasoning, memory and mood, reducing impulsiveness and frustration. Silicon Valley is crazy about nap pods and sleeping nooks.

But having us all take government-enforced naps would be a pretty literal interpretation of the nanny state. : Don't Conservatives Hate This? That's true, though as you may recall, like Winston Churchill, Gwyneth Paltrow and Albert Einstein, our esteemed prime minister is said to be a regular at naps, a claim dismissed as 'false' by his press secretary. .

Hmm. If he is, that didn't do wonders for his impulsiveness, did it? No, and as Andre himself noted, Johnson "often looks like he's sleeping awake".

So the government is now following the productivity advice of the seventh contestant of 2015 Strictly Come Dancing? Strange things happened, but no. Downing Street would apparently have none of Andre's decadent continental ways. Apparently officials thought Britons would be more likely to spend their siesta drinking. "'When they go to the pub they can have quite a few drinks and they won't come back to work in the afternoon,'" reported Andre, told by his anonymous Downing Street caller. "It was their reasoning...that the Brits would go to the pub."

Well, needs have to: not all of us have a wheeled suitcase full of alcohol hidden next to the filing cabinet. Exactly. Not everyone can rely on "work events" to fit into our daily units.

I'm glad that's not happening. I hate naps: you wake up groggy, disheveled and with a sticky mouth, then stagger around angrily like a hurt bear. Are you sure you're not already confusing sleep time with three pints?

Say, "Sorry, we can't accommodate your holiday request, but How about 15 minutes? in the company nap pod?"

Don't say, "If they didn't want us to drink, they wouldn't shouldn't have made it rhyme with fiesta."< /p>