The Incredible Importance of Self-Care in Marriage

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Ah, "self-care". It's become a buzzword over the past decade, but the idea behind it is as solid as it gets because too many of us are putting ourselves on the back burner. What does it have to do with marriage? Well, do you want to show up for your spouse as Back Burner Self or Best Self?

There are many ways marriage and self-care go hand in hand, but if you're wondering about the importance of self-care in marriage, you've come to the right place. Self-care in marriage is different from self-care as a single person, just as self-care as a parent is different from self-care for those without children. It's all relational, and we're going to frame that today with respect to committed relationships; it's not just about taking care of yourself, it's about taking care of yourself so that you can be stronger, more robust, healthier and happier in your marriage.

That doesn't sound selfish at all, does it? There are many ways to take care of yourself to help a marriage, and many ways to improve your level of self-care. Let's dive!

Table of Contents

How Self-Care Can Help Your Marriage More presence

Self-care in your marriage means you have more space for each other when you come together.

If you want to maintain the bond in a long-term committed relationship like marriage , presence is the key. It's not about physically being there, it's about showing up mentally, ready to commit, and that's not something easy to do when you're stressed and overwhelmed with all the things in life. on your plate.

It's also not about the hustle and bustle of life, it's about being able to show up with your partner focused on them, not half listening to them while the other half of your brain is trying to solve this problem happening at work while simultaneously trying to remember what you needed to grab at the store but didn't. Self-care means you are better equipped to show up with your spouse intentionally and presently. We deserve the best from each other, not just the rest from each other, right?

Less responsive

Oooooh, that's important. It's really easy to fall into reaction mode in marriage…trust me, I know that! Reactivity is when we don't have the time/headspace/emotional maturity to respond thoughtfully to a "trigger" (I know, another big buzzword of the day! ) so we react from a place of often high emotional distress and/or programmed pre-response. Unsurprisingly, this isn't usually a win for healthy communication.

If we take good care of ourselves, we are more likely to be in a healthier mental space where we can really hear what our partner is saying without all the loaded automatic responses rushing to the forefront of our brain , ready to shoot from our mouths and scorch the ground around us. Better self-care leads to better communication in marriage.

Stronger intimacy

This may not be the one that automatically comes to mind when you think about how self-care can help your marriage, but the truth is that intimacy, both physical and emotional , is difficult to maintain when a person is very stressed and overwhelmed. Do you remember the last time you had too much on your plate and struggled to find time to eat a good meal, get a good night's sleep, even take as long a shower as you want? That doesn't set the mood for physical or mental intimacy, does it?

The idea behind how marriage and self-care interact is that when we take care of ourselves, truly and genuinely honoring our own needs, we present ourselves with our partner in a way that can honor the his. We want to show up with our full cup...