The Possibilities of a Helpless Heart

That's so easy to get defensive when someone, especially a loved one, thinks or acts differently from what you think is "right".

It just seems natural or "healthy" to stand up for a belief and make the other person "see the light"...

Or in other words, proving the other person wrong.

In a weird way, we think that automatic defensiveness will get us what we want…

But it never does. It only creates separation, distance and misunderstanding.

Susie remembers automatically lambasting Otto for her "belittling" tone of voice when she couldn't solve a computer problem.

She got defensive, then Otto got defensive and angry.

After all, he was just trying to help and ignored the meaning Susie attached to his tone and words.

In fact, he didn't even know he had a demeaning tone of voice!

If you step back and watch carefully what happens during times like these, as we finally did…,

You can see that your heart is closing, you are building walls and all possibility of connection, love and understanding is evaporating.

When connection, love and understanding become more important than believing your story about the other person…

When you see defensiveness only creates defensiveness in the other person, along with arguments and closure…

You can choose what we call a helpless heart and live with more love in your life…

And you can choose it at any time.

When Susie saw that her defensiveness only fueled Otto's defensiveness and anger…

She made the choice to get out of it and focus her attention on herself.

When she did this, she saw that the meaning she gave to Otto's tone of voice was that he thought she was stupid, which she had often felt with her father.< /p>

When she told Otto about her discovery, he softened and he revealed that her "tone" may have stemmed from his uncertainty about her ability to solve the computer problem.

It was nothing about Susie.

She had defended herself against the fears inside her that she was really stupid and nothing real.

It was a powerful lesson for us and showed us the possibilities of loving a helpless heart.

We all have different ways of seeing the world, mostly from past experiences, which create different beliefs.

It's just obvious in relationships, especially with our loved ones.

When there are differences, it's so easy to get defensive, thinking you have to defend yourself.

But when you see there's nothing to defend and the defense isn't giving you what you want anyway...

You can choose to listen to the possibilities instead of arguing.

When you do, you can experience the beauty, the gifts, and the many miracles that can happen to you in a relationship when you live with a helpless heart.

What if you really think there is something to defend?

You can become aware of inner feelings that arise from thoughts that you need to defend your point of view…

And then ask yourself if defending will get you what you want or not…

Or will an open, defenseless heart full of possibility be what is needed instead.

The choice is always yours.

If you want to give up the defensive, contact us here…