To stop feeling stuck after a breakup, you'll have to mourn your old identity.



When a great encounter ends, or perhaps when you walk away from a process or profession that you thought you had changed into "it", you . Even if you are aware that the relationship/marriage/job/profession wasn't working out and all the reasons why, you may still end up blaming yourself for the time being:

• being in a relationship
• to be married
• hustle or slow down in activity or career

In essence, you're angry with yourself for not being your: the version of yourself you assume you're supposed to be and who, in all likelihood, ticks society's boxes.

Your self-esteem can be linked, for example, to being married. Or maybe your identity is mostly based on your career and accomplishments. and-be-exceptionally-hard-on-yourself/">shame can make you feel stuck.

Particularly while this has been a painful or irritating dating situation, you might be . Do not worry ! We all do it at unique times and for various things. That's not to say we weren't a victim, by the way. Sometimes, however, it turns into our identification, fundamentally weakening us.

Let's say you've been in one in which you've essentially received less than love, attention, agreement, and recognition. If you get on with your life, your ex can't be the shit. You can't continue to feel victimized by using your ex. Moving forward can also involve not watching them to validate that you are a good person.

Let's take it a step further. Say . Maybe you're the Underdog, the one who doesn't have to do too well, the some factor. On some levels, moving forward and improving your life, even though you have to, can also feel unfair and scary. By accepting, for example, to be single and to play your life, these alternatives contradict and cancel your roles.

Shame creates blockage.

While we can also be very attentive to why the connection or situation didn't work out, we often make up our minds primarily based on something that distorts our belief and our ability to move on. before. For example, let's say we were married badly and abused, but our ex moved on. Then it becomes, Well, there must be something wrong with me if [my ex] is caught up and happy in another relationship. We also choose where we are. It's not where I think my life would be.

To be honest, your ex leaving isn't a sign that something is wrong with you. All types of elements are in play. For example, if he hasn't internalized the breakup like you have, his self-perception is not distorted. We also live in a society where, in straight relationships, men tend to land on their feet. There is a societal conditioning that is always at play in which what one woman can't stand, another will. In all kinds of relationships, many people "transmit" incredibly quickly so that they not have to deal.

Long lasting bad relationships usually end instead of having a come to Jesus moment. And these are the good end results.

Suffering together is how things were once over.

It is worth thinking about how to acquire the concept that the result should be extraordinary. Chances are, what you internalized about how relationships, jobs, and careers "should" be dates back to early childhood. Your idea of ​​what's possible for you and what you have to "put up with" is probably outdated. Check out my podcast episode at .

Caution yourself not to wish to be in a relationship that isn't right for you just to not be where you are now.

Wishing you were still in a painful and incompatible courtship is like saying the end results have become incorrect. This questioning and mindset means that other encounters and other situations will prompt you to work through the same issues: accepting while something isn't working and learning to be okay with yourself, even if it means, for example, being single or having to find your way into a whole new career at an age you never expected.

The joy of saying no (Harper Horizon/HarperCollins) is out January 2023 and will be available at all relevant bookstores.

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