To the girl in her twenties who's never been in a relationship

I bet it took all of you to even click on the link to this article. Part of you is so sick of hearing promises that "it will be worth the wait", while the other part of you is hoping that there will be magic words on your screen that will do a little less. wrong or will make a little more sense.

So first of all, congratulations on your reading. Second, I want to tell you that I sat where you sat. I rolled my eyes at the people who told me to "keep waiting" as their phones rang with messages from their loved one. I've seen girls talk about their "list" of men, when I couldn't find enough men to play a one-on-one tennis match.

I wondered why God made me play the waiting game while I sat down and gave relationship advice to all my not-so-single friends. At one point I even started planning what my life would be like without ever finding a husband. I started being too self-sufficient, constantly pessimistic and constantly questioning the character of God.

But there is hope

Friend, I want to tell you to hope. Psalms 25:3 says that "no one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame." Other versions say that "Surely none of those waiting for you will be confused..."

I know, the last thing you wanted to hear was another person telling you to wait. But, I'm not saying just sit there and wonder if Prince Charming will ever show up. I ask you to wait eagerly. Psalms 5:23 says, “At dawn, Lord, you hear my voice; at daybreak, I plead my cause before you and watch expectantly”. A few chapters later, in Psalms 25:5, we hear David say, "Guide me in your truth and instruct me, for you are the God of my salvation, you [and you alone], I wait all day .

In the meantime, realize that you are not wandering aimlessly hoping that someone will show up one day. You sit at the feet of God's throne, eagerly waiting for Him to orchestrate the details of your life, confident that His thoughts, ways and plans are more beautiful than you can imagine. .

Hope lies in the hard truth

I know you hear it all the time, the honest but hard truth that "while you wait, grow your relationship with the Lord". This is such good advice but such a hard pill to swallow over and over again.

For me, growing with the Lord in this difficult season meant being raw and real with Him. Although I regret not using this time to learn more about God's character through the Word, I do believe that telling God when and why I was angry, sad, frustrated and doubtful, both walls collapsed. I allowed God to see the self that was not the "perfect Christian girl" that I thought would surely warrant a husband of God. Those real, raw moments made my relationship with my dad grow, even if that growth didn't pan out the way the Christian blogger who married at 18 told me it would.

I remember people saying to me, "He's over there. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll meet him. And coming from the southern culture, that 'encouragement' often took the form of pity rather than genuine encouragement. Immediately, I always considered some of the most Christlike people I know who were single and fought their words with, "Well, what about ___? She's nearly forty and still hasn't found a husband, but she loves God more than all of us." (I know, I was a real peach, the most optimistic fruit on the tree).

But, to be completely honest, I don't know why some people are celibate. I don't have all the answers, nor do I understand the gray message of Paul's encouragement for some to be single (1 Corinthians 7). However, I know that God said in Genesis 2:18 that it was not good for a man to be alone. I know that God is our Friend, Father and Protector. And I know he has only good things in store for his children - things of fulfillment, kindness and hope.

Hope Cannot Grow When Drenched With Pessimism

So, my friend, yes, you, the woman in her twenties wondering if she will ever have a boyfriend, let alone get married, do your best not to have a pessimistic outlook. When you allow this hopeless mindset to take hold, it will have a dark impact on all areas and aspects of your life. Try not to sit in sadness; this table can be hard to leave, and it never offers true community and satisfaction.

However, know that on the days when you've had enough, when everyone's social media posts trending their boyfriends or coffee shop tangents are all about how wonderful their new hubby is. .