To the one who loves someone with a mental illness

It's hard to live with a mental illness. Every day seems to present a new impossible task before you. You may feel that two steps forward are only followed by a one mile leap back. Of course, you also have the cynics. These people believe that mental illness is an “escape” or dramatized by those who suffer from it. Fighting sickness and the voice of those who doubt can be a daunting task to face alone.

However, imagine the emotional strain felt by those who love people with mental illness. They must protect their well-being while supporting and caring for the one they love.

I believe we have a surplus of mental health advocates, as we should. But I want to defend those behind the scenes. Those who carry burdens that are not their own and fight wars waged by others.

I was 16 when I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I felt that taking medication would make me weak and weird, so I went without medication until my mother convinced me that taking medication would only help me in life, not hinder it. While anxiety was bad enough, it wasn't until I turned 20 that I found out I had multiple forms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. And though I still don't fully understand what that means sometimes, I lean on the grace and understanding of Jesus. I am blessed with gifts from the Lord which include support from family, friends and fiancé.

Because I am grateful to these people, I want to show their side, how they see mental illness and their loved ones who are struggling with it. To do this, I interviewed people who are in a relationship with someone struggling with mental illness. To start, I interviewed my fiancé:

What mental illness does your partner suffer from?

"Very bad anxiety and OCD."

This question may seem too simple. Kind of like, "Wow, he knows what's wrong. Give him a gold star. But y'all, it's so refreshing to have a man so freely and openly not just accept but learn things that don't affect them personally Ladies, if your partner doesn't wantto know more about your problems and help you solve them, don't not content.

What does your partner's mental illness mean to him?

"She doesn't feel like she can be loved like someone who doesn't have these mental illnesses, that she's loved differently because of these illnesses."

(As I am the person he is talking about, I can honestly say he hit the nail on the head. Those suffering from an "invisible disease" can often feel that the love offered to them is cushioned, different, or even tiring.)

"She's constantly on guard and protecting herself because she doesn't want the disease to hurt anyone."

Again, he hit the nail on the head. Mental illnesses affect so many people. Loving others while suffering from a mental illness can be frightening. You know how it affects you and you don't want others to be hurt by you as well.

How do you deal with their mental illness?

"I don't 'handle' it. It affects it, so I love it. I'm very aware of how I phrase things and how it can trigger OCD. < /em>

First, let me brag about my man. He immediately made a point of making me understand that he does not "manage" my anxiety and my OCD. This is not a disadvantage for him. Again ladies, don't settle.

Second, to those who are hurting, please take the time to appreciate your loved ones. They took the time to learn about your disease and then your individual triggers. It takes time, as well as patience. They then take the time to learn to rethink their usual vernacular in order to put you at ease.

How do you love them differently because of their mental illness?

"I don't show my love to him differently. I feel like when you show love differently, it puts a strain on them into thinking they're not worth the love normal. In reality, there is only one love, and that comes from Jesus. So, there is only one Love that you can really show them, Jesus."

How can you love someone whose brain you don't understand? Show them Jesus. Yes, there are different factors in every relationship, especially mental illness. But there's only one love to show people, and that's to be a reflection of Jesus.

When did their mental illness bring something positive to your relationship?

"If you know how to communicate when your partner is triggered, the relationship grows and you learn more about each other throughout each conversation."

When the right person comes into your life, you can take things like mental illness and use it as a chance to grow as a couple. You can learn more about each other than you already do.

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