What if he cheated?

What if you find out he cheated? What if you cheat? Well, before you kill the relationship, consider that infidelity, while not the norm, is still quite common. The National Research Opinion Center at the University of Chicago showed that in 2019, among married couples, about 22% of men and 13% of women admit to having cheated at least once. Basically, the same observation as in 2009.

What has changed in the last 10 years? Some authors believe that women cheat as much as men but for different reasons. For example, Alicia Walker, in The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife, states that women, more than men, seek better sex rather than intimacy. And they would rather stay married.

Even spouses who describe themselves as "at least somewhat satisfied" with their marriage reported having had an affair themselves. Yet, according to research on divorcing couples, most people don't break up because of an affair; they separate because they have lost their feelings of closeness, appreciation, friendship and connection. So despite the popular belief that taking it back is silly, many leading couples therapists and researchers believe you can pull it off. In fact, you can build a stronger, healthier relationship.

RELATED POST: EMOTIONAL CHEATING

What if he cheated? Signs of an affair

In my clinical experience, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is simply not true. There are many people who have learned painful lessons from previous mistakes and become great husbands and wives. Couples who have decent chemistry and benefits for both partners can weather the crisis of an affair. Not only that, they can come together and put an end to cheating once and for all.

However, not everyone deserves your trust; there are gamers or sex addicts who will cheat and cheat again. These are the ones you really need to pay attention to. So if you're wondering, what if he cheated?, here are thirteen red flags:

He is less affectionate. Spend less time with you. He may "work late", have "business dinners", or "go to the gym" more. He is less interested in sex. Suddenly taking trips that you can't go on. He has new hobbies that don't include you. You receive mysterious phone calls with hang ups. His cell phone is off at times when you normally reach him. You find credit card bills for unexplained hotel stays or gifts. He is more distant, angry or picky. Perfume smells. He has lipstick or a lock of hair of a strange color on his clothes. He gets defensive or lies if you ask him where he's been. You find romantic text messages or emails from another woman on her phone or computer. What if he cheated? How to confront it?

The last four signs in bold are very telling and require immediate action on your part by following these three steps:

Ask your partner if they cheated and watch their reactions carefully. Be cool and watch his non-verbal and verbal behavior. Your partner may turn away or look away, change the subject, or bite their nails. He can give you strong defensive reactions: act like a victim, say something like, "How could you say that when I've been so good to you?" or get angry and even accuse you of cheating. He may even laugh disdainfully and say, “Are you crazy? I love you!" No good! Because all of these verbal and non-verbal reactions can be signs that he cheated on you.

If things aren't going well, trust your instincts and dig deeper. If you live together, make sure you know where all the money is - check the various bank accounts and other assets you have access to to protect yourself. See if there have been any unusual withdrawals. To cross...