When relationship connection is difficult… Here's what to do…

Do you want a deeper relationship with a partner or spouse, but find it difficult or maybe even impossible right now?

Or maybe you've struggled in past relationships to keep your connection and love alive and you don't know what to do…

If so, today we have 3 practical suggestions for you and a quick example from our coaching files (used with permission) on how the connection can be lost and what you can do to this topic when it happens to you…

Pete worked long hours at a new job and when he got home he just wanted to relax and go numb.

Jo, his partner of many years, was aware of his needs and understanding, but still failed to connect with him as they did earlier in their relationship.

Jo knew the dangers of trying to control Pete (you can't "control" another person and she knew it)…

But she missed him and secretly feared that their relationship was heading down a dark path from which they would never emerge - and she didn't know what to do.

She had tried to ignore his feelings and was "understanding", but deep down she was afraid he didn't care.

She also tried to tell him how she felt, but even though he seemed to understand and told her he still loved her, nothing changed.

When they came to us for help, it was clear that they cared about each other, but had totally different ideas about what 'connection' meant.

Jo felt connected to Pete when he slowed down, looked at her, listened to her, and shared with her something that was emotionally true to him.

Pete felt connected to Jo when they were on the same "wavelength" while doing projects together.

It was easy to see why they were struggling but…

Why is it so important to feel connected in a romantic relationship?

When you feel connected to another person, you relax and open up to being who you really are.

And when you do that, you can freely feel love and give love in ways that you can't when you're holding back because you don't feel a connection to someone.

That doesn't mean the love isn't there when there's no connection.

Love may still be there, but if and when connection happens, life and relationships are so much more fun and fulfilling.

So what did we tell Jo and Pete to help them connect?

1. Know that your partner may have a different definition of hookup than you do.

Like Jo and Pete, you and your partner may have different ideas about what it means to connect as a couple. Be curious and discover your two definitions, and don't mislead your partner.

If you find that you don't have the "right" words to say to trigger this kind of discussion, watch our video "Magic Relationship Words" here...

2. It is normal to enter and exit the connection

No couple stays connected 100% of the time, so don't expect that. Be aware that it is "normal" for the connection to come and go. Relax knowing the connection can come back if it seems to be lacking right now.

3. Acknowledge it when you feel a connection

Very often when the connection is lacking or even missing, the focus is on what is NOT there. In fact, it seems that our human flaw is to focus on what is "wrong" versus what is "right".

When this happens, you may go for brief moments undetected without even realizing it.

Jo and Pete realized there were times when they felt connected to each other even though they were few and far between.

When they began to consciously focus on recognizing when they felt close to each other, they began to feel that way more often.

When they stopped blaming each other, they were able to open their hearts to love each other more.

Connection a funny thing.

You can feel him making eye contact with a stranger.

You can feel it when someone does something nice for you.

You can feel it when kind words of appreciation are spoken.

On this day of media overload, connection is so precious and often absent.

Our advice for you, whether you are currently in an intimate relationship or not…

Find ways to connect with and interact with those you care about.

If you do, we promise your life will be so much richer and happier.

If you are having trouble connecting with a partner or someone else, Contact us...