You be the judge: does my roommate have to make coffee for the two of us in the morning?

The charge: Steve

I always make a pot of coffee for the two of us in the morning, but Hamish only does it for himself

My friend Hamish and I share an apartment and work from home several days a week. We both like coffee, but we disagree on who should make it and when.

When we're both in the apartment, Hamish only makes coffee for itself. I don't understand. It just makes enough for itself and won't check if I want one. We work in different rooms and if Hamish is home, I'll text him asking if he wants coffee. I'll give him a few minutes and if I don't get an answer, I'll still do fillers. We have a coffee maker: you put the ground coffee and add water before pushing the plunger. If Hamish says no to the coffee, I won't overdo it, but I'll still add some in case he changes his mind or I want another cup.

I alternate my teleworking days. Hamish says he never knows if I'll leave for the office, so he doesn't bother making a bigger pot. But when I'm home, I always check to see if he's there. Why can't he do the same?

Then he says he doesn't like to argue from the start, because he's not fully awake. I'm more of an early riser and don't mind talking. But when making coffee, the physical effort required to add an extra scoop is minimal. So why not do it in case someone else wants it? I don't see how that makes your morning any harder.

What's most annoying is that Hamish makes coffee just for him and then leaves the granules in the coffee maker. I have to wash it before I make mine. It's a slight: first seeing evidence of coffee you weren't able to drink, then having to clean it up before starting the process all over again.

Sometimes Hamish says making extra coffee is wasteful. We don't have a microwave, so once the coffee is cold, that's it. But even if it's cold, it's only 20 cents of coffee wasted, so I'd rather take the risk.

It all became a bit of a joking errand. Sometimes Hamish says I'm a moral crusader, that I like to ride my high horses for small things for fun. I guess that's true, but I honestly think he's wrong here.

Defence: Hamish

I don't always know if Steve is there. If I make a pot and half cools, it's a waste

I'm not against making coffee for other people, but in our apartment is just it makes sense for me to do it myself. When Steve and I lived in a shared house in college, we were with a lot of other people, so I often made a big pot for everyone, who always got drunk. But now that there are only two of us, making too much coffee at once seems like a waste.

The main problem is that I don't always know if Steve stays at or not. We both work from home three days a week. But I still work from home on the same days as Steve's routine changes. During the week, he works in the living room because he has the smallest room, and I work in my bedroom.

It may sound weird, but it's hard to tell if Steve is home. We stay fairly separate during the day and keep our doors closed. We often listen to video calls, and even if Steve is at home, he may be in a Zoom meeting for a few hours. I don't want to disturb him.

I think: well, if I make coffee and the rest stays there, it's going to be cold. We don't have a microwave so we can't reheat it. A cold brew probably doesn't taste as good. Also, in the morning, I just want to go on and do my own thing and not really have to talk to anyone. I'm definitely not a morning person - most people know that about me, including Steve. Pretty much everything stresses me out before I've had a coffee.

< p class="dcr-3jlghf">I understand that it can be annoying for Steve to get up to make a coffee and find out that I already made one myself. I guess it also twists the knife a little deeper when he then has to wash the coffee pot I made my coffee in before making his.

When Steve does me coffee I'm grateful, don't get me wrong, but I never ask him to either. I would be more than happy to make the coffee myself if I had to. In the morning, I just like to stay in my zone, make coffee, take it back to my room...