I learned something about idols a long time ago. Everything in your life has the potential to become an idol.
We often equate idols with negative things or sinful activities, but an idol is anything that takes Christ away from first place in your heart and life. There is only one throne in your heart; either Christ is sitting on it or someone or something else is. When that happens, it becomes an idol.
Idols don’t just affect us individually; they can sneak into your relationships. When they do, they can destroy those relationships. If you are married or planning to get married, make sure these idols do not insinuate themselves into your life.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages
1. Materialism
“Then he said to them: “Be careful! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist of an abundance of goods. (Luke 12:15)
It’s great to work and it’s nice to enjoy the fruits of your labor. But you have to ask yourself: When is enough enough? Countless people have sacrificed everything on the altar of more. The need for a bigger house, a better car, and a bigger bank account pushes them to where it becomes their obsession. For some men in particular, we may be moved to provide more, and we view this provision as an expression of our love for our wives and children. In doing so, we can forget the fact that moments matter more than materials.
Be careful not to get sucked into the lie that having more things will make you happier, because it won’t. As you get older, you tend to remember the moments you shared more than the things you accumulated. If you have to choose, choose creating moments over getting more things. Your spouse will thank you and your marriage will be better.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/todaydesign
2. Ministry
“But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me, or each other, like you did in the beginning!” (Revelation 2:4)
This is an example of something good that has the potential to become an idol. Serving in ministry This is a fantastic way to give back and use the gifts and talents God has given you for His kingdom. However, you must keep ministry in its proper perspective because there is one thing I have learned about ministry. It doesn’t stop. There will always be more ministry opportunities available to you. Since ministry never stops, you must stop.
It is proper to serve and serve with all your heart, but make sure you do not serve with all your time. What will your spouse be left with if you devote all your time to ministry? Serving in ministry was never meant to harm your marriage, but hopefully add something to it. If you discover that ministry is getting in the way of your marriage, then it is time to re-evaluate the time you devote to ministry. After all, your first ministry is to God, then to your spouse. If you neglect these things, it’s only a matter of time before this house of cards collapses.
Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/BrianAJackson
3. Comparison
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, his male or female servant, his ox or his donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Exodus 20:17)
One of the most dangerous things you can do is compare your marriage to someone else’s or even trying to model your marriage after someone else’s. As I have observed relationships over the years, I have realized that no two marital relationships will ever be the same. Since every person is different, every relationship has a unique character that cannot be replicated, and you should not attempt to do so. What works for one couple may not work for you. This doesn’t mean you can’t learn from another couple’s experiences; this means that you must consider them in light of your own marital relationship. Your goal shouldn’t be to be a better version of someone else’s relationship. Your goal should be to be the best version of yourself. After all, that’s why God brought you together in the first place.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/MachineHeadz
4. Busy
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what is the will of God: his good, acceptable and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2)
We are probably busier than ever. Part of the fault is society’s never stopping, but another part is that we have bought into this mentality. Today, most people wear busy as a badge of honor. Well, there is such a thing as being too busy. How do you know if you are experiencing turmoil and if it is creeping into your marriage?
- If you only see your spouse before you leave for work in the morning or before you go to bed at night, you might be too busy.
- If your calendar is filled with activities and responsibilities and none include time with your spouse, you may be too busy.
- If every conversation ends with “I can’t talk right now; I have a Zoom call to get on,” then maybe you’re too busy.
In these and similar cases, activity is not a badge of honor. That’s a recipe for disaster. If you’re too busy, it’s time to let some things go. Remember, part of marriage is sharing life together. So make your life together a priority and fill your calendar around it. If you don’t make your relationship with your spouse a priority, you risk opening the door to someone else.
Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Tijana87
5. Complacency
“Live happily with the woman you love during all the insignificant days of life that God has given you under the sun. The woman that God gives you is your reward for all your earthly labor.” (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
Most relationships go through stages. There is courtship, which can lead to exclusive courtship, which can lead to engagement and then marriage. Even when you are married, you go through the honeymoon stage. From there, the kids can come and you settle down to raise a family. Even if you don’t have children, you can settle into a place where you are comfortable around each other. One of the challenges with this is that you may forget to continue building your relationship.
Sometimes marriage ends courtship because you already feel like you’ve already got the prize. Please don’t believe this because it’s not true. Fight this idol of complacency and continue to remember the things about your spouse that made you fall in love with them. This problem can even get worse if you have children, because you now have a legitimate responsibility to meet. Even so, don’t be complacent in your relationship. One day the kids will grow up and it will just be the two of you. You will still be husband and wife long after you stop being mom and dad. Cherish this and continue to nurture it, because it will pay huge dividends throughout your life.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
6. Each other
“He who loves his father or his mother more than me is not worthy of me; he who loves his son or his daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10:37)
Like I said earlier, everything in your life has the potential to become an idol. Sometimes the one we place before Christ is the one we are married to.
Yes, you are obligated to this person, but Christ must always be your priority. If you mix things up, you’re neglecting the one who can empower you to have the type of marriage you want in the first place.
Christ at the center of your marriage does not mean you will have a perfect marriage. This positions you to have one filled with love and grace, two necessary ingredients to produce a long and healthy marriage.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Anetlanda
7. Pornography
“Enjoy sex with your own wife. May the woman you married when you were young continue to give you joy. May she be as pretty and beautiful as a young deer. May her breasts always make you happy. May she love you in a way that brings you joy.” (Proverbs 5:18-19)
Pornography is sneaky because people often engage in it in the dark, it’s addictive and creates unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like in a marital relationship. Pornography does not portray a healthy, loving sexual relationship. At best, it stirs up lustful passions in those who view it, which can lead to other problems such as masturbation, adultery, or unsatisfactory sexual intimacy. It becomes unfulfilling, not because of your spouse, but because you have expectations that no one will ever be able to meet.
A healthy and satisfying sexual relationship is based on mutual love, mutual respect and a mutual desire to satisfy each other. None of these things are present in pornography. When you bring these ideas into your marriage bed, you are setting yourself up for failure.
One of the great joys of marriage is being able to express yourself sexually in a relationship with someone who you know loves and cares about you both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. No type of pornography will ever be able to replicate this level of desire, expression and communication.
As a married person, you don’t need pornography to enhance your sexual experience, because it doesn’t. If you invest time with each other and learn to communicate, whether you’re in the bedroom or out, it will allow you to create more pleasure than any pornography ever could.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/scyther5
What should we learn about healthy marriages today?
“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God created them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ They are therefore no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mark 10:6-9)
The marriage is wonderful. God designed him to be wonderful x. But remember, great marriages don’t just happen. For your marriage to work, you and your spouse need to pay attention to it. If you don’t, these things (and other sneaky idols) can sneak in and destroy even the most promising marital relationships.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Vasil Dimitrov
He is the author of The pursuit of the goalwhich helps readers understand how God leads them in His will, and the author of The Pursuit of Victory: How to Overcome Your Biggest Challenges and Win in Your Christian Life. Clarence also committed to helping 10,000 people learn to study the Bible and published his first course, Bible Study Basicsto achieve this objective. To learn more about his ministry and resources, please visit clarencehaynes.com.
Related Resource: The Five Languages of Apology, with Dr. Gary Chapman
In this insightful episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned author of The five love languages And The five languages of apologies. Together, they explore how understanding the languages of love and apology can radically improve relationships. Dr. Chapman presents the top five ways people express and receive love and explains how giving a sincere, well-timed apology can be just as vital for healing and connection. The conversation highlights the power of empathy, emotional communication, and forgiveness to maintain strong, healthy relationships. Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or simply want to love others well, this episode offers powerful tools to deepen your relationship bonds. Do you like what you hear? Make sure to follow I wish you could hear that on Apple Or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published on Monday April 27, 2026.
