3 Times Jesus Said No To People-Pleasing People

I originally planned to attend the meeting. After all, it had been dubbed “very important” and I was asked to attend. But as the appointed day approached, I felt a distinct control in my mind. I felt that the Lord was communicating that even though this meeting was important, it was not important for me to be there. I felt him remind me to stay in my own lane and devote my time to other projects he gave me.

That meant I was going to have to say no…

As a recovering person, I couldn't help but feel nervous. I hate disappointing people and I sometimes worry about what other people will think of me if I turn down a request. When the time came to let the meeting manager know that I wouldn't be there, old fears returned: What if they think I don't care about them? Or that I'm selfish? Or not spiritual?

But in the midst of these worries, I stopped and reminded myself of an important truth: the ability to be selective about which requests I accept is essential to achieving my goal. If I say yes to everything, I scatter too much and nothing important gets done. However, if I can strategically say no to certain things, I create space to say yes to the things that matter most – the things that I know without a doubt that God wants me to focus on.

Although we tend to equate saying yes with being "loving" and saying no with being "unloving", in reality, refusing a request is not necessarily unloving. In fact, when it paves the way for obedience and enables us to fulfill our individual callings, it can be the most loving and godly thing we can do.

Just look at Jesus. He was the most loving person to walk the planet, but he was not a people pleaser. He had a very clear understanding of His purpose, and He also understood that if He was going to accomplish His mission to redeem mankind - the ultimate expression of love - He could not be controlled by the expectations of others. He was fully committed to following his Father's direction, and if anyone asked him to do something that contradicted what his father wanted him to do, he simply chose not to do it.

While choosing not to comply with the wishes of others can be stressful, reflecting on Jesus' example never fails to give me the courage I need to be intentional with my yeses and my no.

And you? Do you also find it hard to say no? Does the prospect of turning down an invitation make your stomach rock like a hooked fish? If so, I encourage you to consider some of the Bible passages that highlight Jesus' willingness to refuse requests, even when it meant displeasing others.

There are many such passages in the Gospels, but here are three to get you started. I hope they will encourage and inspire you too!

“As Jesus spoke to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. Someone said to Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside and they want to talk to you. Jesus asked, "Who is my mother?" Who are my brothers?’ Then he pointed to his disciples and said, ‘See, these are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven is my brother, my sister and my mother” (NLT)!

Here we see Jesus' mother and brothers making a request: come out and talk to us. But Jesus did not immediately get up and run to his family. Instead, he continued to do what he knew he was supposed to do then: teach.

Now it's possible he went to them shortly after doing his "Who's my mother?" statement. But I suspect he didn't because Mark reveals that shortly before this incident, his family thought he was 'crazy' (3:21, NLT) and tried to bring him home . It is possible that they again tried to remove it, and Jesus, knowing their intention, refused to cooperate. Either way, it's clear he didn't immediately grant their request. His concentration was unwavering, no matter what interruptions came his way.

That doesn't mean that Jesus didn't care about his family. On the contrary, I'm sure he loved his family very much, and I imagine he spent time with them on many occasions. But at the time of this specific request, his followers needed his attention, and while his family may have seen his delay as an inconvenience, Jesus did not let their request distract him from his current priority.

Parents and siblings call us too (or, more likely these days, text us), and I know how hard it can be not to answer instantly. But sometimes we're better off doing what Jesus did: taking care of what's in front of us now and following our loved ones later.

"A man named Lazarus...