4 Steps to Take if You're Unhappy in Your Marriage

Unhappiness is a common problem in marriage. The thing they don't talk about when you buy that fabulous wedding dress, exchange those heartfelt vows, and go off into the sunset together is that there will be plenty of times when this relationship feels a lot more like a job than a job. to a game. Where emotions will fly high, misunderstandings will create gaps and forgiveness will be needed. Unhappiness isn't unique to marriage, and if we're being honest, we should expect some tough seasons when we consider staying faithful to love an extraordinarily flawed human for a lifetime.

Recognizing that big elephant in the room is important because our culture tells us that happiness is the path to a good life. Reality teaches us that life has many challenges, and almost everything worthwhile in your life requires you to fight for. Consider going to school. Learn to read, write, add, spell, subtract, etc. is a challenge, but we parents can agree that even if our children aren't happy as they struggle to learn these skills, they should keep going until they achieve some sort of mastery. What about parenthood? God knows if we as parents left this job when our children made us unhappy, sinned against us, and pissed us off, none of us would get past the terrible twos! We stay with our children, love them and grow with them because we know they are worth it.

However, we see marriage as distinct from these other clear images of how struggle brings beauty to us. The romantic comedies of the 90s brainwashed us all to believe that we all have a perfect soul mate waiting for us that we cannot live without. They will complete us, and with them by our side, our lives will be happy and easy forever.

That's a lie. And it is that of the enemy of our souls. Falling in love is sweet, but staying in love is hard work. Stay. Indulgent. Learning. Growth. Fight for his family. These things are so incredibly difficult, but when we refuse to let our happiness tell us what our future should be and instead surrender our lives to our Creator and ask Him to show us the way to His joy and healing, it is then that beauty unfolds. in our stories.

I know this firsthand because I wanted to let my dissatisfaction with my spouse drive me away from my marriage. I was hoping he would leave me. I justified my deep bitterness and threw so much blame on the man I had told I would love forever. As I see the error of my ways, I still have to work daily to choose radical grace and forgiveness over clinging to the pain that wants to pull me away from my spouse. Letting go is a constant choice because I can't rewrite 15 years of miscommunication. I can't undo it, but I can override it. I believe God is showing us a new way forward that will be filled with a joyful commitment to one another that goes beyond our momentary feelings.

So what do we do when we face these unfortunate seasons?

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