In a time of debilitating anxiety, I turned to Psalm 51. I read it so often that I had memorized almost the entire text. Nearly twenty years later, these words still remain engraved in my mind. My heart brings them to the surface when I find myself struggling with heaviness and despair.
Unavoidable difficulties
To think that Christians do not struggle with such heavy feelings, whether self-inflicted or unprovoked, is to deny the inevitable difficulties that Scripture guarantees we will face:
“I have told you these things, that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But rest assured! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
“Though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff comfort me. » Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
“We are pressed on all sides, but not crushed; perplexed, but not desperate; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck, but not destroyed. » 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NIV)
Then there’s Jonah stuck in a whale, Daniel thrown into the lions’ den, Job losing his family, his possessions, everything, the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness, Shadrach and his friends thrown into a fiery furnace – need I say more?
In Psalm 51songwriter David’s heartbreak and sorrow are self-induced. The prophet Samuel has just shown him the weight of his adulterous affair with Bathsheba, whose husband he had killed in battle, and now he is mourning the loss of his son whom they conceived.
Losing a child: is there a deeper loss? Read Psalm 51and you will find that the answer is a resounding no.
Unexpected comfort
You may be wondering why I found comfort in such a sad Psalm rooted in such grave sin. After all, how can comfort come from the words of a man drained of his soul? Where can we find hope in a pile of spiritual ruins?
The answer is found in verse eight: “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones which you have broken rejoice” (ESV).
In Western culture, we think little about bones beyond what is pessimistic and/or fatal. The bones are a representation of the end, of what was, of what no one can get back:
The bones in a politician’s closet make him unfavorable at best, while his character is permanently marked as shady and untrustworthy.
Bones in Western films symbolize the power of the desert, its daunting landscape that warns viewers of the impending end of all living things, from plants and animals to humans.
In short, bones worry people because they have become synonymous with death.
Bones never give life in the Western world, but on the other side of the world, particularly in biblical times, bones were the symbol of a person’s core. Everything they were, body and soul, was identified by bones. The bones were not the end for the ancient Orientals.
This is important to understand why David would tell God that he had broken his bones. David confesses to God that everything he was and everything he is now has been destroyed. David admits he was brought to his lowest point.
Yet even in this desolate place, David knows that God can make glad the broken bones, the broken souls. He understands this truth because, as a man after God’s own heart, he recognizes these three truths:
1. His transgressions
Throughout Psalm 51we see that David does not hide his errors: “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are righteous in your judgment and justified when you judge” (vv. 3-4).
He offers God a broken heart, confessing that his own choices are breaking him. Scripture reveals that God broke David’s bones and left his soul feeling the weight of his conviction, but David knows that this brokenness is rooted in his personal decisions.
Even though David lost his son and could try to blame God, he does not. David allows himself to examine the causes and effects of his sins, and rather than becoming bitter or making excuses, he faces what he has done and trusts the Father to hear him in this lonely, empty place.
In a broken world, where we abuse the free will we have been given, bones will break. Who we are is the result of the decisions we make, and when we choose selfishness and the flesh, our hearts and souls will be like sawdust before God.
We will be tiny fragments of who we are meant to be. But when we accept this reality with humility and show God a repentant heart, we discover that our Lord has the perfect gift to patiently bring us together, point by point.
If he takes the time to count the grains of sand scattered on the beaches, if he cares to know the number of hairs on your head, wouldn’t he gladly piece together your broken heart? He is not afraid of your sin. He has already conquered it. So surrender your fragility to Him and allow Him to heal your heart.
2. His need for the presence of God
Here in Scripture we see that David wants more than an overhaul: “Cast me not from thy presence, neither take thy Holy Spirit from me” (v. 10).
He doesn’t even ask God to bring his son back. He implores the presence of God. Even sitting with the death of his child, David knows that life and joy are found only in the Father, the Giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). David knows that even if he could get his son back, without a restored relationship with God, he is dead inside. Life loses its purpose and fulfillment.
As a mother of two precious little boys, I feel convicted when I wonder if I would experience David’s same desperation for God, more than the desperation to be reunited with my babies. Maybe you can understand.
I pray that God’s presence will truly be my pursuit, as it was for David, and that as I align my priorities with the desire for God’s glory, I will find a joy that can withstand anything, no matter what. And more than weathering the storm, perhaps I can find blessings in the rain, joy in the lightning, and peace when the thunder rolls.
3. His access to hope and the goodness of God
Heroes of faith highlighted in Hebrews 11 do not have capes or special powers. Rather, they are heroes because they knew that even in their tragedy, God’s goodness would help them get through it. Their dependence on someone else is what makes them great. It had nothing to do with them, and in their humility, God wrote the Bible, breathing life into the words written by broken men to rebuild the world until the end of time.
Hope, goodness, and restoration will always rest in the good hands of the Father. His wisdom and sovereignty will make everything beautiful and increase everything that has been lost. In this truth we see the David of Psalm 51 shows the same great faith he had when he volunteered to fight Goliath.
In Psalm 51David is much more broken, tired, and aged, but in his faith in the midst of raw heartbreak, he chooses to believe in God for the impossible, like giants falling to their ruin and broken bones finding hope to rejoice again.
Eternal joy
No matter what difficulties and brokenness you face, I pray that you lean on God who considers crippled hearts to be his beautiful creations. In this tenderness, may you trust that eternal joy is still yours as He restores you.
“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, you, God, will not despise. May it please you to prosper Zion, to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in the burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar” (vv. 17-19).
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