Arguing? Here's a better way...

For Elizabeth, arguing with husband Paul seemed like the only way to communicate and she was fed up.

They never agreed on anything and the house always seemed full of tension when they were together.

They even started picking on each other when they were with family and friends…

Her best friend even commented that she noticed the anger between the two of them and asked what was going on.

That was the problem…

Elizabeth didn't know what was going on.

She just knew that they didn't get along like they used to and that something had happened, but she didn't know what to make them constantly angry at each other.

That's when she emailed us for a coaching conversation to help her figure out how to end this argument that was tearing her and her husband apart.

Here's some of what she realized during our conversation about how to stop arguing and start hooking up more often…

1. Keep calm and recognize what's inside

When Elizabeth quieted her mind and became present, she noticed that underneath her anger, there was a lot of grief welling up inside her.

How she let the grief be there and didn't force herself to understand what it was about…

She felt a flash and a little peace.

Very often we don't allow ourselves to feel what is really there because we are afraid of those feelings.

We are afraid of sinking into depression and never coming out of the really "bad" ones.

The truth is that if we don't repress our feelings and bypass them and cover them with our thoughts...

They move like clouds.

Elizabeth saw that the feelings she had covered up by her thoughts of how Ron should act had become anger towards him.

She saw that the real problem for her was that she was missing the connection she used to feel with him.

2. Speak from the heart

When you speak with the truth of your heart instead of being defensive, there is no room for argument.

Elizabeth told Ron what she found out: that she really misses being in contact with him like they used to be.

Ron seemed ready for an argument, saying something like this…

"Well, you sure didn't act like that."

Instead of being defensive, Elizabeth told him she could see how he came up with the idea.

This stopped Ron from continuing an argument that no one wins because there was no one to argue with!

While Elizabeth remembered being defensive never gave them the connection she wanted…

She was able to ask him if that was also what he wanted.

As surprised as he was by Elizabeth's change, he muttered a quiet "yes".

Elizabeth and Ron now have the opportunity to discover new ways to connect.

And you?

Are you ready to let go of your defenses that didn't give you anything, even the "protection" you thought they would?

If you would like to chat with one of us, contact us here…