Blaming and Judging in Relationships: Overriding This Way

While we all know that blaming and judging are not healthy for relationships, we we all know that.

When someone doesn't act like we think they should or don't do what we want them to do…

We blame and judge, either saying it out loud or in our minds.

It seems to be human nature, doesn't it?

What we don't usually see is the damage this does when it becomes constant and either person develops a "judge-blame" mindset.

When judging others or ourselves is the 'go-to' or pushback reaction to uncomfortable situations, when differences arise or because we 'can' and somehow other, it makes us feel better...

There is no room for solutions or new ideas to emerge when we do.

There is only room for blame, judgment and negativity.

And it can become a destructive habit not only for the relationship but also for the two people involved.

Many years ago, when Susie was with her first husband, she realized that they had developed a habit of blaming and judging each other.

She knew this was not how she wanted to live and that they had to stop but she didn't know how.

When we came together, we saw how destructive blaming and judging can be.

Over the years we have learned that when the impulse comes from blaming yourself or judging yourself…

It was just a thought that we could bring to life by expressing it or rehashing it…

Or instead, we could focus on what we love about each other.

We've found that if we need to talk about a situation, it's much easier to listen to each other without blaming each other.

There's a clarity and kindness to the discussion that doesn't exist when judgment is there.

Are we still judging ourselves and others?

Of course, but we don't pay much attention to it now.

So one of the ways we've discovered to stop blaming and judging (or at least slow it down) in any relationship is this…

Realize that blaming and judging is a habit and it only separates and disconnects two people.

It doesn't protect you or make you better than the other person.

It keeps you focused on what's going wrong instead of opening up connection or insight opportunities that may be happening.

When you focus on what's wrong, you can't see clearly what your next good step is in loving yourself and the other person.

When you focus on connection, your mind and heart are clear to see a path open between you.

If you have a question about how to stop blaming and judging in your relationship, contact us here…