Mouth fat: why cosmetic surgeons remove this unassuming body part

Name: Mouth fat.

Age: As old as mankind itself.

Function: Makes chewing easier and protects facial muscles from external impact.

It all sounds very useful. Hooray for mouth fat! What? Are you kidding? Get rid of me now.

But look how important it is! Important, schmimportant. Do you know where the buccal fat is?

No, but I can tell from the context that it's probably in the cheek. Exactly! In the cheek. Fat. In my cheeks. What do I look like to you, some kind of gerbil?

You look like a normal person. Ugh, a normal person. People have been kicked off Instagram for a lot less.

Wait, are people seriously getting their mouth fat surgically removed? Of course they are. Haven't you paid attention to social media? Anyone who's anyone gets their mouth fat removed.

And by "Anyone's anyone" you mean…I mean Chrissy Teigen, for starters .

Model and TV personality? It's this one. "I did this...a mouth fat removal thing," she said online. "And since I quit drinking, I'm definitely seeing the results, and I'm loving it."

And what, if I may say so, are the results ? Well, you usually find the most pronounced mouth fat in babies and infants, so take a guess. Here's a hint: what don't babies and infants traditionally have?

Cosmetic surgery? Yes this. But also the cheekbones. If you remove buccal fat, you automatically accentuate your cheekbones. And cheekbones are sexy.

But that's not the only way to have cheekbones, is it? Well, no, there's probably also diet and exercise. And stress, do not forget it. We're so stressed out by what strangers on the internet will think of your physical appearance that it keeps you awake at night.

Are you okay? I'm doing well. I mean, sure, ever since I first heard about oral surgery, I've become dangerously obsessed with the horrible rolls of fat hanging off my face, and now I can't bear to be seen in public. But, yes, I'm fine.

And when did you first hear about oral surgery? About 25 minutes ago.

This looks very much like a fad. What do you suggest? That cosmetic surgeons are running out of things to suck and chop and tweak so they've just found the most innocuous part of your entire body and are now determined to convince you that it's unsightly?

Yes. Well, it worked. Mission accomplished, surgeons.

Say, "Buccal fat surgery will give me amazing cheekbones."

Don't say, "Is it worth risking not being able to chew properly?"