Day 9: The Magic of Less "Holiday Magic"

Isabel Spooner-Harvey used to make latkes from scratch: grate the potatoes, squeeze out the water, fry them on a hot stove.

The effort has been rewarding. But then she had three children in three years, followed by a separation from her husband. For the stay-at-home mom from Madison, Wis., the need to make the holidays special — the gifts, the get-togethers, the cards, the latkes — started to feel like a burden to get rid of rather than a joy to give .

So this year, when Mrs. Spooner-Harvey celebrates Hanukkah, she'll keep her frying pans clean and order latkes from the grocery store. "The fun part is being at the table together," she said. "It doesn't matter where the food comes from."

While other people are not immune to the pressure of making "holiday magic "mothers feel it more intensely," said Michelle Janning, a sociology professor at Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington. Along with being typically "socialized to be responsible for the well-being of the family," mothers often experience an emotion that Dr. Janning calls "imagined future nostalgia." in which they imagine their adult offspring fondly reminiscing about their childhood. stress and exhaustion. Lamenting these expectations in snarky group texts, comment threads, and personal essays, some women, like Ms. Spooner-Harvey, have taken a Marie Kondo approach: giving up rituals that no longer bring them joy.

Lauren Asensio Demake, a social worker in Franklin, Mass., Konmari-ed her brains when she got rid of the holiday cards. As a student, Ms. Demake loved sending out seasonal missives. But after her wedding, she said resentment surfaced when "it was still apparently planned" she would be the one to send them to both her and her husband's family. What was once fun has turned into a dreaded chore.

Ms. Demake described the decision to stop writing cards as "liberating". "Getting rid of things that I felt like I had to do helped make this season more enjoyable," she said.

Also joining the resistance is Courtenay Baker, a divorced mother of four in Mount Vernon, Iowa, who works as a project manager and dance instructor.

She's no longer sending cards, no longer doing Elf on the Shelf, and giving up Pinterest-worthy cookies and decor. Rather than spending hours cooking, she watches Christmas movies cuddled up with her family. Rather than take care of the garlands, she leaves out a box of decorations and lets her children hang them (or not).

"I don't have to cross things off my to-do list that were never on it," she said. "There's stress relief in acknowledging that the part of a vacation that's perfect is being with the people that are dear to you."